Wee Pocky

Product: Pocky Squeeze (mango flavor)
Origin: Japan

First looks

Nick:
I'm not really sure what makes this "squeeze"; just looks like shorter, slightly thicker Pocky. I tend to like nice chocolate flavors of Pocky, so I'm a little skeptical here; it does at least smell very mango-y, almost unpleasently so. Hmm. Let's see what Katie makes of these.

Katie:
I don't mind non-chocolate flavors of Pocky. I swear I've had banana but that could just be wishful thinking. The Japan pavilion at Epcot has a lot of Pocky flavors in the back (if you enter through the Hello Kitty/Anime section and work your way through. You can, of course, enter through the 'exit' in the snacks section but what weirdo would enter the exit. The Japan pavilion is one of my favorites--great food, good shopping, and the Taiko show is awesome). 

As Nick mentioned, these are very mango-scented. They're also quite orange but that's because mangoes are orange. Orange-yellow? I honestly don't know. I've always thought of them as orange but I've barely even seen the fruit...it's usually just mango juice or mango-flavored whatnot.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
One thing Katie forgot to mention - don't let the friendlier people in your group near the cosplayers in Japan or you might end up getting a far longer rundown of Gundam's Original Century timeline than you really need. As for this Pocky... uh, it's real bad. The taste is "mango" more than mango, and I'm afraid it really just tastes like bad, fake mango. Do not slam this taste in your face. I do like the shorter, thicker sticks with more flavoring on them, if only the flavoring was, you know, good. Also, Katie got mad when I pointed out that the mango pictures printed on the sleeve looks more like an exposed brain. Uh oh!

Katie:
I think our readers are in for a rare treat...a Ham-disagreement.  A dis-Ham-ment?  Someone come up with something cool sounding for when we disagree.

These are delicious! They may not be fully real mango-flavored, but then again a lot of things usually aren't (e.g. Strawberry Starbursts don't really taste exactly like strawberries). We all kind of agree to ignore the fact that Watermelon candy tastes nothing like real watermelon but it's somehow still reminiscent of it enough that we can pretend.

I'm going to eat all of these wee mango Pocky sticks now and spoil my lunch. That's how they get you!

More chocolate wafers!

Product: Lusette smak Mleczny
Origin: Slovakia

First looks

Nick:
Well, I'm afraid I don't really have much material here; Munchpak sent us a bunch of nice chocolate wafer cookies that I'm sure I'm going to enjoy, but they're not exactly a gold mine for comedic material. Pretty thin on the ol' chocolate wafer cookie jokes. I guess I'm just going to try and enjoy this; it looks like a nice chocolate wafer cookie and it smells like nice chocolate. Here's to another twenty years of reliable chocolate wafer cookie competence.

Katie:
I think this is our first food foray from Slovakia. It certainly smells delicious. And it's not too expired either!  We have a bit of a backlog so the chocolate wafers are only a few weeks out of date. Everyone keeps telling me that the dates don't really mean much on packaging, which I guess I'll concede but only if you all concede that if something is literally a year expired...it shouldn't go in your mouth.

Anyway. Looking forward to chocolate wafers!

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
This from the lady who eats 200 year old apples and deviled eggs in Fallout. "YOU MISSED THE FOOD," she'll yell when we're really early level and using crappy pipe pistols and don't have any healing items yet. I'll leave out the part where we turn into a stealth sniper and have over 100 stimpacks because that doesn't help my point which I kind of forgot what it was anyway.
As for this wafer cookie, guess what? It's good; nice and milk chocolately. I ate my half real fast. Nice job, Slovakia. Ya nailed it. Shoot, I thought I had a closing joke, but it's escaped my mind. Well, if it comes to me, I can use it on one of the other 12 nice-looking chocolate sandwich wafer cookies we have.

Katie:
Yeah, you're not helping. "Oh man, why are we so weighed down?" He'll complain, completely neglecting to use any of the 20 pounds of Nuka-Colas in various flavors we have in our inventory. "Better start dumping our loot and not eat any healing items with weight costs even though we're missing 40% of our health!" It gets even worse in Skyrim where we can literally GROW OUR OWN INGREDIENTS FOR HEALTH POTIONS. Harrumph. Just saying 50% of my Skyrim job is alchemy and y'alls making me redundant.

But back to the chocolate. Very tasty!  The wafers were very good, unlike a lot of the wafer cookies over here which tend to taste very cheap (albeit quite sugary and good). Definitely pick these up if you ever seen them. Good job, Slovakia!

PS from Nick: You have to save those Nuka-Colas for when you need AP!!! Also, does anyone have any of that Target Nuka-Cola that sold out in like five seconds we can review? Although I think it's just like Jones Soda Blue Blarzberry they slapped a Nuka-Cola label on. Kinda cheating on that one, guys. Does anywhere around here even still sell Jones Soda? I miss that cream soda that's like 100% sugar.

Finally, a drink to match the color of my hair

Pictured: Wilson's first blog
appearance...also some grape
juice

Product: Kirin soft drink/grape
Origin: Japan

First looks

Katie:
I'm very curious about this one. I remember white grape juice being somewhat of a staple of my childhood but I haven't had it since. Isn't it amazing how much of the food we ate daily or weekly as kids becomes something we never even consider consuming as adults? Is it because we can pick our own food now?

I still eat spaghetti-Os and Kraft Mac and Cheese. You can't deny me my Kraft m&c, dude.

Nick:
Gosh, I'm not sure my experience matches up with yours; I still eat tons of Kraft Mac and Cheese (any flavor but original and Spirals) along with Spahgetti-O's, and I can't really think of a childhood thing I don't have much of. Maybe Yoo-Hoo. Not sure I miss that very much. Anyway, as for this drink, it seems like, uh, grape juice; the ingredients are water, grape juice and sugar. Also, the label shows a bear either dancing with a kid, picking grapes with him, or preparing to eat him. Maybe all three of those in a row. Kid 'n grapes souffle or something.

Post-sip thoughts

Katie:
Yoo-Hoo! I always thought that was the best drink because I only had it maybe a few times at Disney as a kid (I got super hyper from sugar, still kinda do).

I thought the grape drink was good. Sweet without being cloying. It managed to taste pretty much like all fake grape stuff does except not over-sugared. I'm not sure I would want to drink the whole thing, but I could go for sharing this. If you don't like grapes, this isn't going to magically change your mind though. If you do like grapes, then...yay?

Nick:
Still "kinda" get hyper from sugar? I'd hate to see what really getting hyper from sugar is. I'm glad Katie went down memory lane because I don't really have much to say about this grape juice; it's good grape juice. I feel kind of silly importing this grape juice from Japan when it's good grape juice you can just go to the store and buy, except without the whimsical bear who may or may not be about to eat that kid on the label. I'd definitely drink more, but again, I can just go to Price Chopper or Market 32 or whatever they're calling themselves to get some more of this, and honestly, they have Kool-Aid in the same aisle, so I'd probably end up getting some of those cherry Kool-Aid Jammers where it tastes like all of the sugar in the universe is exploding in your mouth when you take a sip.

I liked Abba before they were cool

Product: mamma Mia coco wafer with dark chocolate
Origin: Poland

First looks

Nick:
Mamma Mia - here we go again! My, my, hope this GMO-free chocolate isn't gross! Poland hasn't let us down yet, but I'm very skepitimical of this - between the no-GMO (which has in the past meant no sugar and some kind of disgusting frankenchocolate), one of the first ingredients being "Cocoa Mass", and the suspicious coconut odor, I'm real leery of these. No sir, I don't trust this in the least.

Katie:
As Nick mentioned, our track record with Poland is pretty good. I'm going to be optimistic like in Winner Takes it All when she thinks he's going to get back with her (and hopefully not get crushed later when I realize that the chocolate is only here to shake my hand and wish me well).

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Gimmie gimmie gimmie some more of this snack now, something something something, I forgot the wo-rds already! This is pretty good; it's a nice medium dark chocolate wafer cookie, so apparently it is indeed possible to make edible non-GMO chocolate, which only makes all the other non-GMO crap we've had even more inexcusable. The aftertaste is a bit odd, but I like this quite a bit; nice job, Poland. Nice job, Cocoa Mass. After eating this, uh, shoot, what's another Abba line? I'm feelin' like a number one! (Not like I have to take a tinkle)

Katie:
I never understood Super Trooper. Was she in love with a storm trooper? I'm going to say yes. She has a thing for Captain Phasma and not even death will stop their love.

Okay so we looked it up and it's apparently Super Trouper and it's a brand of spotlights. So...nevermind.

The chocolate was good. I'd say it's a share snack so find a buddy and split it over some hot cocoa on a really cold, snowy day as a reward for shoveling the driveway like good little doobers.

It's like a giant Pocky

Product: Big Crunch Pepero by Lotte
Origin: South Korea

First looks

Katie:
Picture a stick of Pocky. Now picture it hit with a giganto ray and you have the Pepero. I'm really, really looking forward to this. It smells delicious...like kind of vanilla-ish? Or like very subtle birthday cake?  As of this writing--and you shouldn't have your immersion broken by this revelation since we've said it before--my mouth is still on fire from the spicy potato sticks. Heal my mouth, giant chocolaty stick!

Nick:
This looks like a huge almond Pocky, and I love almond Pocky, so I have high hopes for this. The only thing I'm worried about is when you eat almond Pocky the little almond chunks embedded in the chocolate can hurt the roof of your mouth, and whatever's embedded in the chocolate here is huge, so I guess I'll have to eat this kind of carefully. You know, I guess you could also use these as a drumstick, if you don't mind them breaking immediately. Or maybe huge chopsticks? I guess the chocolate would melt and make a mess, though. Hmm.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
You could have extremely temporary fondue sticks? I mean you'd have to use them chopstick style but it might still be good.
Okay so...the giant stick. The knobby bits are cookies, I think. On the box, there are these oreo-looking cookies so I think they're smooshed up into the chocolate in a delicious manner. These are yummy! (fun fact--I typed rummy twice in trying to type yummy. Why's the rum gone??) I really hope these are imported here at one of the local Asian markets. This is right up there with Pocky and Melty Kiss for me.

Nick:
Pretty good! I do think it could stand to be a little sweeter, but that's my only quibble; the big central core the chocolate and cookie chunks are wrapped around is pretty thick, and it's not very sweet - I found myself eating just a little too much of this for me as it should only be there to deliver chocolate. A solid OKAY from me.

Potato sticks but like...from somewhere else

Product: Chillz potato sticks
Origin: Pakistan

First looks

Nick:
Well, I like potato sticks, so I'm hoping these will be good. I'm a little curious if these are going to be spicy or what; the ingredients suggest they are, but if there's any spice in the smell, it's quite subtle. The only way these could be bad is if they're too spicy, and I don't think that's too likely; I put my nose right on them and took a sniff and it just smells like mild curry, so I think these will be fine.

Katie:
I'm very hopeful for these potato sticks. The container is the perfect size for a snack so if I like these, maybe I'll get more for work. The smell is, like Nick said, a little bit of spice but nothing else. I'm looking for these to be potato sticks with a little spice to them and not an all-hands fire alarm in my mouth.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Oh, god. They're too spicy. This is like eating a tomato that's on fire. Way too much for me by themselves. This might be nice if you had Smartfood or a nice smoky cheese to cut the spice with, but just eating them right out of the bag, I'm done after three little pinches. Ow.

Katie:
Now this is weird, normally Nick can handle more spice than me. I have a half dozen pinches before my mouth went aflame. If you are used to spice, these would be right up your alley.  If your tolerance is somewhere between baby and "maybe just one jalapeno", you might want to eat these slowly with some cheese or your spice-reduction food of choice.

Maybe some day, we'll have the spicy tolerance to handle these but it's not today. Still good though!

BOGO

Katie's Review
Product: Alpinella Czekolada Kokosawa
Origin: Poland

First looks

Since Nick doesn't like coconut and I don't like nuts, we're each reviewing something separate this time.

I'm reviewing some coconut chocolate from Poland. The chocolate is segmented into squares, a familiar sight for Americans as Hershey's is similarly segmented into rectangles. A sniff reveals an entirely chocolate smell with none of coconut's usual tones present. There is no "goop" inside so no worries about taking a bite and suddenly needing a napkin when goo oozes out. I need to prepare for goo. No surprise goo for me.

I think Poland has been pretty solid so far so this should be good.

Post-bite thoughts

I'd say this is a decent chocolate. The coconut is not overly sweet, but then again I'm used to having it on cake. There are pieces of coconut mixed into the chocolate so there will be some texture to your bite. If that's not your thing, you'll want to skip this. However, if you like chocolate and you like coconut, this just might be the Polish chocolate for you!  I would warn you to have a little plate or something to keep it on while you're eating...it's very melty! I actually had little chocolate flecks on my arm (somehow).

Nick's Review
Product: Sante Garlic Almonds
Origin: California

First looks

Well, putting garlic powder and salt on almonds seems pretty idiot-proof, but all the other almond product we've had on here has been weird or bad; these aren't Vegan, or still with the inedible shell on, so a pretty basic level of competency should suffice to make this the best almond product I've ever tasted. On the other hand, they smell kinda musty, and the last ingredient is tapioca syrup, which has been in some real, real bad stuff. Oh, and good news, everyone - these almonds with salt on them are gluten and peanut free! Finally!

(Katie breaking in here: these are the loudest nuts ever. Don't eat them during movies or all the dialog will be "Ah-ha so the killer was *giant intrusive nut crunching noises*)

Post-bite thoughts

The garlic is strong with these! I wasn't prepared for how garlic these are; I'm used to, like, almonds that have been dipped in soy sauce where there's a very thin outer layer of flavor and then tasteless almond underneath; these have a thick coating which stays in your mouth the whole time you're eating the almond (which is good), and taste extremely powerfully of garlic (also good, I think?). I actually think the only way I'd eat these is keeping a bag for if I get a garlic flavoring; the garlic taste is very powerful, and I can't see myself just plopping down on the couch and destroying my mouth with these that often. If you do get a craving, though, this is the easiest way to ingest garlic - no need to cook up a real clove (and don't get me started on peeling!!!!!!), but man oh man, a little dab will do you with these.

Mango juice?

Product: Mango Nectar
Origin: Israel

First looks

Nick:
Well, I thought this was going to be soda, but there's no carbonation; is this just, like, mango juice in a can? I'm not complaining - it smells like really nice mango juice - I guess I wasn't expecting just straight up, uh, "Mango Nectar" in here. Maybe that's not a bad thing; carbonated mango juice sounds a little weird now that I'm thinking about it.

Katie:
Aside from some slight differences in the pop-top shape, this looks just like a can of soda. The mango smell is really pleasant, making me look forward to trying some. The ingredients are translated into three language so if you ever need a can-shaped Rosetta stone for the 21st century, this might be it.

that sounded cooler in my head.

Post-sip thoughts

Nick:
WOW, that is strong tasting. This is indeed mango juice, and it's very powerful. Might be a little too mango for me, and I like mango quite a bit. I think I would get this again - pretty sure I'd eventually get used to the mega-mango taste - but having just half a can, it's bit much for me. Katie, you got the can over there, how mango is this in the ingredients? Is the ingredient list just "MANGO!!!!"? Ah, it's "Water" (exotic!), then "Mango puree 25%" from concentrate. I'd hate to see what this is like at 100%. What does the scouter say about its mango level?!

Katie:
It's over 9000! (atoms of mango). This was delicious! I thought the mango level was fine, but YMMV. I highly recommend this.  The juice consistency was spot on--not too thin but not too thick either. If you like mango at all, you'll really like this. Definitely try it if you see some!

Passive-Aggressive Packaging

Product: Bon chance bread crisps
Origin: Lithuania

First looks

Nick:
I hope there's a bon chance these are good! If you're wondering about the title, this is our first ever pagaminta lletuvjoe product, which I think it means product of Lithuania, and it has one of those stickers on the back that has to be slapped on when it's imported into America, and it says "Best before:       look at the package". Like, fuck you, that's how you want to start our relationship, passive-aggressively telling me to just look at the package, man? The front also suggest you eat these with salad, soup, and drinks, but honestly if I'm eating all that I can probably take or leave sour cream and onion bread, uh, crisps.

Katie:
I scared my cat just now with my high-pitched laughing (on an unrelated matter, not that Nick isn't funny! He's funny a lot...even sometimes on purpose ha ha!). Anyway, Greggy was scared by my laughing and tried to leave but then I stopped laughing and he stayed here. Cool story, right bro?
Okay so bread crisps. Crisps are English potato chips? Or are they french fries? One of the two. Basically, even though they invented the language, the English use all the wrong words for things and use way too many Us. You do win at having accents. Every accent on that whole island is awesome and cool. Everything sounds much smarter when a British says it.
Wow, that's a powerful onion smell. I think I'm going to like these.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
I think Katie forgot about Cockney accents; not everyone sounds like the classy people on Dowtown Abbey. Also, the British lost the Revolutionary war because Americans would march into battle holding giant U's that the British wasted on words that don't need a U like "Armor", and when the British shot their guns the Americans would catch them in one end of the U and it would do a U-turn and come out the other side and hit the British soldier, so they lost the war even though they possessed bullet-proof toffee technology that they could have made into invincible if very sticky body armor. You wankers.
As for this snack, it's pretty good! I'm not sure it really gains much from being a bread chip, which mostly just makes it very, very slightly more chewy; it's still nice and tasty like a potato chip. The flavoring is quite good, too - I'm not sure I really get much sour cream, but there's a very nice ranchy oniony flavor. Nice job, Lithuania! Send us another nice snack, maybe the review for that one won't end up being about British accents and toffee body armor and scared cats. I mean, no promises.

Katie:
Oh yeah, those guys. They might not sound like they drink books for breakfast and eat Critique of Pure Reason for tea, but they do sound like they have a tough, well-earned street wisdom.
I'm glad you brought up the U defense. I think its origins lay in the U bows used by the English in the Battle of Agincourt.  Of course, when they founded the colonies, many the Us from that time were shipped over to be used as doorways but it wasn't until the mid-18th century that the colonists rediscovered their more martial purpose. If England hadn't been so wasteful with her remaining U supply by stuffing them into words, the history of the United States would be a lot different!

This cola killed the cat

Product: Fentiman's Curiosity Cola

Origin: Canada

First looks

Katie:
Oh geez. Why are we trying more stuff from these people?
I have to say, I do like the old timey label on the bottle. I can picture this on a shelf right alongside various hair, youth, and vitality tonics from the Flim Flam brothers (the most reputable ponies in all of Equestria).

What's not to trust?

I try to be optimistic as possible but I'm not feeling very positive tonight. What do you think, Nick?

Nick:
Oh gosh. I don't have a good feeling about this. The first ingredient is carbonated water, which, OK, fair start; the second ingredient is fermented ginger root extract and that's where I'm like no, stop, no, no, stop. I like a nice ginger ale, but ginger cola sounds kind of disgusting. I mean, maybe it'll be good. Katie, you drink this first. I'm scared.

Post-sip thoughts

Katie:
The bottle makes this charming cartoony "glug glug" noise when you drink from it for the first sip or two. This is...odd. It's not as horrendous as the other stuff but I'm not sure I like it either. It's...okay. I think if I had an upset stomach this might be good in a pinch though I prefer Gosling's Ginger Beer if I'm going to have a real ginger soda. Try it if you want a completely strange taste in your mouth that's hard to describe. Maybe it would go good with some kind of alcohol drink? Get a mixologist in here.

Nick:
More weird than bad; you guys can print that on the label ("Fentiman's: More Weird than Bad!"). It does indeed have a strong ginger taste, and I think I'm missing the sweetness from Seagram's ginger ale or the Gosling's ginger beer that Katie likes; the kola isn't really sweet enough for me, and it's just too bitter to really enjoy. Unlike the disgusting Fentiman's lemonade, this isn't terrible, it's just not for me; if you love ginger and want ginger-flavored cola, this might be for you, you weird person, you.

Don't zaze me, bro

Product: Zazers chocolate flavored wafer
Origin: Israel

First looks

Nick:
Wow, guys - really spared no expense coming up with a product name here. "Chocolate Flavored Wafer". Astounding. Looks like, uh, a wafer cookie with chocolate in the middle. Hopefully they spent that marketing budget that was supposted to go to coming up with an exciting name on stuffing nice chocolate in here. It certainly smells nice, so I've got high hopes here.

Katie:
The chocolate is looking a little thick for my taste but I'll keep an open mind. As Nick mentioned, it definitely smells nice...a good vanilla cupcake candle scent.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Um.... hmmm. I don't really seem to taste any chocolate. I mean, I can see the chocolate, I can smell the chocolate, but when I take a bite... I'm not getting the chocolate. Where's the chocolate flavor?! This is just wafer! Is this some kind of magic trick? Has my mind been freaked?!? I don't get it. Just tastes like wafer, fam. I guess the chocolate has a very, very, very very subtle taste. Maybe I'm used to eating American chocolate snacks where the chocolate is the star. I'm very confused right now. Katie, did you taste the chocolate? Am I missing something?

Katie:
There was definitely a taste other than wafer. It was like milk chocolate with a heavy emphasis on the milk part and nearly zero on the chocolate. Nick mentioned this could be American chocolate's difference to the recipe used in other places and I think I agree. Perhaps we're both simply just used to the way chocolate tastes here.
The Zazers wasn't bad...it was okay. Bland on taste.

Oh, Chews.

Product: Sour Fruit Ooh! Chews
Origin: Brazil

First looks

Katie:

I'm skeptical of the gummy-potentiality of this so even though I'm going first here...Nick is going to safety test it for me.  He gave me his two least liked flavors--strawberry and green apple. Yay. I hope these are Brazil's answer to Starburst and not more gross gum.

Nick:
Wow, what a name. Ooh! Chews. Two of the flavors look good (Cherry and Blue Raspberry), and two look nasty (Strawberry and Green Apple). Hopefully these will help me whip, help me nae nae, because every time I ask Katie to watch me whip, watch me nae nae she just goes "Okay" and then I don't know how to whip, how to nae nae and end up looking foolish. I wonder if that caffeine from the Wake the Hell Up! coffee kicked in yet.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
Oh boy, I see Nick not only hands out green apple flavor but also dank memes. Is it peanut butter jelly time too? (Actually, he's cooler than me and usually knows what the cool ones are first. I don't find out until dabbing was like, so six months ago). 

The candy is very hard at first but softens after a bit. It's not as sweet as Starburst but still good. It reminds me of when Whole Foods tries to make candy except they can't use sugar so they use something stupid like liquid coconut farts and it just winds up tasting like something you get from your one weird friend's house where they only eat organic wheat germ and don't let you put real syrup on pancakes (the pancakes are made out of wheat as if that's going to taste good)...where am I even going with this? They taste a little odd maybe, is what I think I was trying to say.

Nick:
I'm kinda split on these; like Katie said they're extremely hard to start, which is a little bit of a surprise but not too bad. The taste of the cherry ones is really good, fake, sweet "cherry" and I enjoyed it quite a bit. The blue raspberry... not sweet enough, my dudes. A real blue raspberry has to be super sweet and taste like no creation God could have ever imagined; this is a bit bitter for me. Of course I got 5 blue raspberries and only two cherries. Not terrible, but I don't think I'd get it again; maybe if they had a bag of just cherry.

Hope I can sleep tonight

Product: Wake the Hell Up! coffee
Origin: Utica, NY

First looks

Nick:
(yawn) All right, I'll Wake the Hell Up! coffee. I think this might just be a local product, from the wind-blasted snowscape of Utica, NY. The box says the company "adhere(s) to business principles that embrace the culture, history and vibe of our region". Well sir, I went to college in Utica, NY, and here's the two things I remember. One, it has the National Long Distance Running Hall of Fame. Two, one time it was snowing and the wind was howling (aka, I was in Utica) and I looked out the window and the wind was blowing so hard that the snow was going up. So I'm eager to see how the coffee is going to adhere to business principles that embrace the culture, history and vibe of this region, possibly by setting off a huge howling snow bomb in my mouth while I fall asleep at the national long distance running hall of fame. Can't wait!

Katie:
I had the opposite experience in Utica. I was still back in [local hometown] so driving up to Utica on a Friday to collect Nick for a weekend adventure was fun for me. We'd stock up his provisions at the local Price Chopper, which was testing out the self-checkouts (new at the time) and my mind was blown. It's very woodsy up there and one time we got lost...we found a)a prison and b)a lock which I made Nick stay at until we saw a boat go through and I giggled with glee. When I'd stay overnight, I'd "make" Nick skip class so we could eat spaghetti-Os and play GTA3. No one calculate when that came out to find out how old we are...it's better if we stay ageless, perfect, and beautiful in your minds like the elves of Rivendell.
Oh and the coffee smells really good.

Post-sip thoughts

I forgot to take a picture of the coffee
so here's a Bellsprout I caught at
work just before a meeting

Nick:
Mmm... I'm not sure I'm really getting a strong taste from this; I mostly just taste the creamer and sugar, which is OK because the creamer and sugar is delicious. I guess to be fair the box doesn't talk about what the coffee actually tastes like, just how it's going to make you Wake the Hell Up! coffee. It's fine. I don't know that I'd get it again over coffee that, uh, tastes like something. It remains to be see if I Wake the Hell Up!, I suppose. If I'm staring at the ceiling at 3 am unable to fall asleep I guess this stuff worked.

Katie:
Delicious! This is the kind of non-flavored coffee I like. The coffee has that great coffee flavor (duh) and mixes well with the cream and sugar to create a lovely taste. It's like Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream except it's actual coffee. Nick probably gets all the credit for making it delicious though. He is a coffee master, bravely making me coffee every morning and heroically dealing with me on Sundays when I don't have enough coffee before we got shopping early in the morning because I want to get it over with then wind up mumbling and tottering around the grocery store saying stupid stuff like "the beard took over his head from his hair".

Surprisingly these turned out not to be gummy

Product: Mammos RASPBERRY CANDY
Origin: Korea

First looks

Katie:
I have nothing! There's no smell really and they look like a normal hard candy. Um. I wasn't going to try them because we thought they'd be gummy then it turned out they weren't and here we are. Nick, take it away!

Nick:
Oh boy. Uh, like Katie said, there's not really much to get from looking at or smelling these; they don't smell like anything and they look like little raspberry circles. I do like how the bag says "Friend" with a picture of raspberries in the upper right hand corner. These raspberries are my friends. Very relaxing. I'm also going to pretend that the raspberries are happy being turned into this candy, otherwise it's kind of depressing.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:

"Nick, come to my house.
We'll do Nintendos."

Raspberries are your friends. Look, here's one now. She's calling you on her grape phone to come hang out and totally not eat her.

Okay, okay. I thought I was going to really dislike these but I'm quite enjoying it! The raspberry (why don't we say 'rasp-berry'? Everyone I know says 'Razz-berry'. Comment on which one you say because I'm curious) taste is very pleasant. Some hard candy is too sour or too sweet...too much of whatever the flavor is but this is in that sweet middle spot. Grab these if you see them!

Nick:
I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be rasp-berry (I remember reading in my
book about Jamaica how one white settler guy was like 'I would love a rasp-berry ice', and I was like, tough shit, because he owned a bunch of slaves so I didn't feel bad for him) but over time the P sound has kind of gone away and now I pronounce it without it, like ra's-berry. Anyway, I'm glad you brought that up because I really don't have much to say about this; it tastes nice, it's not too sweet and not too bitter, and I'm sure we'll work our way through this bag in a few months (each one is individually wrapped, which I like since it helps keep them good longer and they don't just fuse into one un-eatable megacandy gestalt in the bag when it gets hot in the summer). Nice job, Korea!

DELICIOUS FOOD

Product: Pumpkin roll
Origin: Taiwan

First looks

Nick:
The only English on the package is "PUMPKIN ROLL" and "DELICIOUS FOOD", so I'm expecting a pumpkin roll that's a delicious food. Quick quesiton: Why does a pumpkin roll have pictures of peas, beans, nuts, and a watermelon on the sleeve? I don't know about this, fam. Smells like... old nuts and coffee? I'm having a hard time identifying the smells here. Katie, what do you make of this delicious food?

Katie:
Yeah, it totally smells like coffee. Maybe it's just that PSLs are huge here and we associate this type of pumpkin with coffee but that's all I'm getting from it. I'm hoping this will be good and thanks to our good friend for confirming the origin of this product for us! Very curious about how this mysterious tube of pumpkin coffee (potential) goodness will taste. Nick, you've been to the other side, how was it?

Post-bite thought

Dr. Greg makes a return guest appearance
he's sulking because he can't have any

Nick:
A little weird. The outside is harder than the filling, which is a kind of pumpkin butter. You know, I'm not sure I really get much flavor from this, honestly. There's a kind of vaguely pumpkiny nutty taste that's not bad, but that's about all. I ate my whole half, but I think this is just a little bit boring to get again, solving the mystery of what this is was more entertaining than eating the actual snack. It's fine. Fine, it's fine.

Katie:
I wasn't a huge fan of the outside when I first took a timid nibble. It reminded me of those horrendously bland health cereals parents always try to get kids to eat because they're "good for you". For my next bite, I took a huge nom and the outer shell really mixed with the pumpkiny inside. Second bite was much better. I think this would be a great little desk nom for when you're really hungry but your lunch break is an awkward amount of time away. You know the kind...where it's close enough that you don't want to ruin your appetite but far enough away that you can't quite wait that long without having something or you're just not going to get any work done then you'll be sitting at your desk staring dumbly at your email when someone important comes to ask you a question and you turn around all bleary and dorped from being too hungry to work so you have to make them repeat their question because you weren't brained-on enough to catch it the first time.

Strawberry cookies with a special guest appearance from Dr. Greg the One-Eyed Cat Who Loves Cuddles

Product: Parle Hide & Seek Fab!--strawberry flavor
Origin: India

First looks

Katie:
The strawberry smell is strong with these. The cookies seem to be chocolate chip but I'm honestly not sure if that's what the little chips are. The strawberry filling is escaping the side of mine but not all in the package are like that. I'm really not sure what to expect here. If they are chocolate chips, I'm thinking it'll be a hard cookie filled with stiff filling but we've been wrong before in predicting a cookie and filling's consistency.

Nick:
Oh, boy. I'm not so sure about these; strawberry is occasionally okay, but these smell really fake sweet strawberry. A close inspection of the sleeve suggests these are indeed chocolate chips; it also yells "INSIST ON EXPORT PACK ONLY" but I think I'm going to insist on taking the smallest possible bite of these before rendering judgement.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
I think I actually quite like these. The strawberry is, as Nick predicted, very fake and very sweet but it works well with the chocolate cookie for me. I don't know if I'll be able to eat the whole package by myself if Nick doesn't like them but I happily ate two for my taste test. Okay, I can't wait anymore. I have to see what Nick thought.

Nick:
Wow, I don't hate these! Katie originally accidentally wrote that the strawberry "works against the chocolate cookie" and I had like a whole witty paragraph about how I disagreed and liked this that was very amusing, trust me, that I had to delete when Katie realized she made an oops and went back and fixed it. Just assume it would have been really hilarious. As it is, these aren't for me - I think if it was, like, raspberry and dark chocolate I'd have liked it more - but they're surprisingly good! Bring these in to work. If you're reading this at work, go get some, uh, three weeks ago when we wrote this because if we don't write ahead we can't keep our posting schedule up to date and our entries would be like "this needed to get posted six days ago!!! FOOD GOOD" or something.

OMG IT'S ONE GIANT BEAR

Product: Lubisie nazienie czekoladowe
Origin: Poland

First looks

Nick:
All right guys, great news - we've finally found the huge, chocolate-filled, bear-shaped Polish spongecake snack that's both bez barwnikow AND bez substanji konserwuacych!!!! How I have waited for this day! I ripped the bear's head off in celebration and now I'm gonna eat it. Katie got the rest of the bear. Katie, what do you think about this bear? Tell me about this bear.

Katie:
My half of the bear is headless. When he was alive and frolicking through Spongecake Fairy Forest, he oft remarked "I love being alive and not packaged into foil then shipped to America!" His friends, the Spongecake birds and Spongecake foxes would gleefully shout "We also love you being alive, our very best bear friend!"
May he be delicious and not have died in vain.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Oh, gosh. I'm afraid this bear taste is not my favorite; not quite sweet enough, I think. Needs a little more sugar in this bear. It's not bad, but the cake is pretty bland, and the chocolate isn't too amazing either. Maybe they should feed the bears more honey before packaging or something. On the upside, at least the wrapping tells me that this snack is JAJA 12.3% which is always good news (????)

Katie:
I'm sorry this dead, formerly alive bear WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH for you, Nicholas. Must be nice
in your pleasure palace with your room of Doritos and Hawaiian Punch fountains.
I was almost at really liking this. If the cake was just a skosh sweeter and not as dry, I would have enjoyed it far better. I thought the chocolate inside was in good proportion to the cake; just enough to add some flavor.

PS from Nick: Yeah, it is pretty nice.

More lime stuff

Product: Yupi Rizadas
Origin: Columbia

First looks

Katie:
The chips look like Ruffles and smell like vinegar. We seem to be largely out of step with the rest of the world's taste in chips so I'm hesitant to be too optimistic here. I guess I'm really just hoping they're fine.  They don't have to be great, just okay would work.

Nick:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Wait a second. Hold up here. I have a bone to pick with the packaging for these. it says they're lemon flavored, and then there's a huge picture of a green lime. Am I about to eat a snack made by people who don't know the difference between a lime and a lemon? Do they think the green ones are lemons? Or are they saying you should eat a lime with this? I'm just saying, if I made a product called RASPBERRY something and had a huge picture of a blueberry looming over it on the label, you'd be like,"Huh, that's weird," and that's what I'm like right now. Also, these smell really disgusting.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
Imagine Ruffles, now picture them tasting vinegary, salty, and sort of limey. Blam, you now know what these chips taste like. They're fine. I don't think I'd seek them out but I'd have some again in the future. I'm not terribly impressed but it is nice to have chips that aren't either mega spice, bbq, or sour cream and onion.

Nick:
Ahh... they're all right. Like Katie said, they're like ruffles, but with lime flavoring on them. Not my favorite; I think lemon-flavored potato chips are an acquired taste I haven't acquired. I think I'd really rather just have nice salty Ruffles or sour cream and onion chips. Could be worse, but not really for me.

Craft Soda for Nerds

Product: Iron Heart Root Beer
Origin: Geneva, NY

First looks

Nick:
Hey, all right, hand crafted root beer! I'm a little uncertain of what's going to be in here; the front of the adorable little can has a dead skeleton guy and his dog riding a bike apparently powered by a oversized patchwork heart, and I don't know how exactly that translates into root beer flavor. Also, the company url is http://ironheart.coffee, which, uh, maybe they make root beer in their spare time. I just hope this isn't gross and bitter like Saranac. Don't let me down, skeleton guy and his dog and bike that somehow is powered by a heart! Maybe there's coffee in there!

Katie:
This root beer was obtained for us from our most dedicated fan, Lauren. Can't wait to try it! It smells perfect. I think the heart represents their love of making root beer, which they love so much one of them came back from the dead to continue brewing it. Their dog does the stirring, which explains why she's there, but don't worry...she wears a fur-neat in the kitchen! Or brew...house. Beer dinette? Wherever it is you make root beer. Nick yelled "the root cellar!" but I don't think that's right.

Post-sip thoughts

have you even noticed how many times
we used this picture? it's all the same color!
And don't leave comments like "oh, what about Sprite?"
you will be banned

Nick:
Quite good! Worth becoming a skeleton on a motorcycle with a skeleton dog, I think. The ingredients list honey, and you can definitely taste it along with a nice vanilla flavor. And there's a taste that's almost.... minty? There's a little bit of a bite at the end whose flavor I can't quite put my finger on. Oh, you know what this tastes like, a liquid high quality root beer barrel candy. Very tasty. Is this the first craft soda we've actually liked?

Katie:
Delicious! My only compliant--and this is so minor it's bordering on petty--is that the can label feels a little weird. However, this can easily be solved by putting the root beer in a glass.  With ice because I'm not some plebeian drinking their soda without ice in it. I'm not some peasant squatting in a yurt sucking down lukewarm root beer like it's 1242 AD and I'm eking out a subsistence farming existence trying to make it to 30 before dying of dysentery. I'm not some savage cave-woman shattering open a cask of root beer and rudely sucking it into my mouth without a care for its temperature. Come on now.

Caramel what now

Product: Salted Caramel Pepsi
Origin: USA

First looks

Katie:
I saw this at our local gas station while searching for the elusive orange flavor Diet Coke. Not much of a scent to it, but caramel never really smells like much to me unless it's in something warm. I'm cautiously optimistic. I do not like normal Pepsi at all but I was a big fan of Diet Pepsi Vanilla years ago and, of course, I absolutely love 1893 and Ginger 1893. Fingers crossed that I'll be giving you a glowing recommendation to go out into the world and put this in your face holes!

Nick:
Salted Caramel... Pepsi. I am very afraid right now. I feel like I need to put my hazmat suit on before trying this. I mean, I guess soda's sweet, and salted caramel is sweet, but salty soda just seems a little weird. I cheated and waited to watch Katie try it, and she's going back for seconds, so I guess it can't be that bad.

Post-sip thoughts

Katie:
Well...uh...hmm.  My mouth is confused. On the one hand, it's kind of good.  On the other hand, it's odd as if the two liquids (regular Pepsi and the salted caramel flavor) aren't really mixed together all the way.  Have you ever been to a restaurant like Johnny Rocket's that lets you order a soda with flavored syrup added?  So you could get a Coke with chocolate syrup in it that winds up tasting like tootsie roll soda? To me, it's good but it tastes like the chocolate part is just sitting on top of the Coke part as opposed to something like Vanilla Coke--as bottled by Coke and not swooshed together by a restaurant--where the two flavors are really melded together. I hope you have or those last two questions won't make any sense.  Anyway, this is...worth a try I think. It's different and definitely is not bad but is a little odd. Maybe it would pair well with something spicy or sour as a way to break up the taste?

Nick:
Uhhhh... this is actually quite tasty. I think the only way this would work is by maximizing the Pepsi or the salted caramel taste, and this is like 99% powerful caramel flavor; the salt and the pepsi are barely noticeable at all, and it turns out caramel soda actually tastes pretty good! I don't know how much of this I'd get, but it's very nice and sweet. Phew! We made it, everyone!

Rose DeWitt Bu-water

Product: Fentiman's Rose Lemonade
Origin: UK, Canada, or the US depending on where you look on the bottle

First looks

Nick:
I'm just a little concerned about this stuff; it yells BOTANICALLY BREWED and I don't know what that means and I don't like rose-flavored stuff (see the Turkish Delight) and it smells kinda medicinal. The first two ingredients are water and cane sugar, so I'm just hoping for either nice pink sugar water or a nice sweet lemonade.

Katie:
I like the pink color.  The smell is just sort of floral to my somewhat allergy-enraged nose. This drink proudly contains 16% fruit juice, which is 16% more fruit juice than seemingly most of the things labelled as fruit juice or fruit drinks in America. Nick made a weird noise when he drank his, which he swears is because he's cold but the situation now feels ominous. If I die, pretend I said something cool and profound.

Post-sip thoughts

Nick:
Well, in retrospect this is exactly what it says on the bottle - the label promises "Ginger and pure rose extracts", and the main taste is ginger with a rose undertaste. Unfortunately, ginger and rose flavored lemonade isn't very good. Just too ginger-y for me. No thank you. I managed a few sips and I'm done, fam.

Katie:
What. the. french. toast. Completely gross. I couldn't make it past one sip, my dudes. Fermented anything seems to be just not for me. Blech. I had been really looking forward to trying this too. Very disappointed, dog who made this abominable concoction.

Nick's enemy--Pineapple--returns

Product: Pineapple jam biscuits
Origin: Malaysia

First looks

Katie:
I think this might be our first food from Malaysia so I'm looking forward to trying it on that count. Very fruity smelling round crackers with pineapple goo inside. I'm very unsure of how this will taste. Hopefully delicious!

Nick:
Oh, man. Smells like these are still outgassing. I don't know where Katie is getting fruit from; smells like 100% plastic to me. Like I got a cheap screwdriver where I opened the package and it smelled like super strong cheap plastic, and this is like that except I'm expected to eat it? I'm going to bravely try the world's tiniest bite of this. Pray for the hams.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
I mostly just tasted the buttery cracker part.  The jam was a little chewier than I expected but once I got past that, this was fine. I don't really get much pineapple from this but that's probably a good thing considering I've never seen pineapple and crackers combined before. This is unique enough that I'm going to recommend trying it if you ever seen it. This is the type of thing I was hoping we'd get with Munchpak, something truly unique that you can't really find here. While I really liked the ketchup chips a few entries back, ketchup chips aren't that unheard of. Trying something like pineapple jam biscuits is the kind of taste adventure I was hoping for when we signed up for the Munchpak boxes.  Even if something isn't great or we didn't like it, it's neat to try something so far removed from our sheltered American food experience.

Nick:
This is the type of thing you were hoping for?! This smells, looks and tastes like a blob of glue between two admittedly nice buttery crackers. I mean, I want to try new stuff too, but I was thinking more the last entry's mystery tube and not industrial solvent pressed between two biscuits. Did you pick this because I ate too much mystery tube? Is this my punishment??

PS from Katie:
Yes.
Also where's your sense of whimsy and adventure? We had a mystery tube and pineapple biscuits!

A grey animal dressed as a samurai rides a cow into a bar...

Product: Literally no idea
Origin: Japan

First looks

Nick:
Uh.... okay. I'm not often totally stumped, but I really don't know what to make of this. It's a large, uh, crispy-looking tube that smells like sour cream and onion potato chip flavoring. Is this like a huge tube-shaped potato chip? I'm so lost right now. The smell is actually pretty pleasant, so if the texture is nice this should be good.

Katie:
Usually, there's a sticker on the package that translates at least some of what the package is. It might say "sugar candy snack" or "cream sandwich", but there's usually something there to clue us in. This has nothing except a grey animal dressed like a samurai riding a cow, wielding a sword made out of the snack. The smell was a little weird to me, I hope this isn't secretly seafood.  If anyone can translate this, please let us know what we're about to eat.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Um... I actually like this quite a bit. Despite smelling like sour cream and onion or maybe ranch, it actually tastes like spicy ketchup or maybe BBQ sauce. Is it supposed to be meat flavored? Is the cat wearing the samurai armor eating the cow? I don't know. It's pretty good, although I think it might be just a little weird to get more of. I'm just happy it tasted good and not like seafood like Katie was worried about. Phew!

Katie:
I liked it but it had this really weird taste to it. I don't know what it was but it was like nothing I've ever tasted. Maybe this is like seaweed or something? I mean it's not green but there was something really odd to the flavoring.
I figured Nick must have liked it too because he at 80% of it before I got any!!!!!! He was kissing it and yelling "Mystery tube, you are my wife now!" but then I ate the rest. Hahahahahaha

Lobster tested, krewe approved

Product: Zapp's New Orleans Kettle Style Sour Cream and Creole Onion potato chips
Origin: Hanover, Pennsylvania--the New Orleans of the Northeast!

First looks

Nick:
Listen, punk, these aren't just sour cream and onion potato chips; these are Creole onion potato chips, whatever that means! I'm actually glad these are made in PA, because all I know about New Orleans is what I saw in Princess and the Frog and NCIS: New Orleans, which just had a bunch of vaguely handsome guys with ridiculous accents yelling at sassy black women, and there wasn't even a single creole onion there. Anyway, these smell like vaguely farty salt, so we'll see.

Katie:
I think someone is forgetting we stayed at Port Orleans: French Quarter 3 times! We are experts! For example, I can tell you that gators play all the instruments at Mardi Gras and if there isn't a street called "Rue D'Baga" in New Orleans for real, I'm going to be very disappointed in Walt Disney World's lack of realism in its hotel street naming.
Also these chips don't smell that great as Nick mentioned.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Not bad! I guess I don't taste any difference between Creole onions and regular ones, because these just taste like nice, regular sour cream and onion chips. Oh, also, remember Gambit? He's always be like "Gambit see no future in (pause) the CARDS for you, mon ami" because he threw like exploding cards, and he always had to end his sentence with "mon ami" and also he had this really weird headgear that framed his face like he was wearing a jockstrap. Anyway, these are fine. I almost wish they had a little bit more of a bite, like a little bit of a vinegar flavor. Nick doesn't see himself buying more of this particular flavor in (pause) the CARDS, mon ami. Also, I can't throw cards because of the shape, they just like fall right down. He should've thrown darts, or maybe even dice? Those actually kind of go where you throw them. Seriously, try throwing a playing card. That doesn't work!!!

Katie:
Uh, actually...he's not throwing exploding cards, sir, he's activating the potential kinetic energy IN the cards. I think. I believe he can do it with anything so I don't really know why he picked cards. Easy to conceal? If he gets stopped by the TSA, he can just be like "I like to play THE CARDS" whereas if he has darts, he can't get on a plane (and don't say they can just take their X-men jet--which had a name but all I can think is the quinjet from the Avengers--because you can't just fly that into Orlando Airport so you can go the Disney and Universal). Gambit, Jubilee, and Wolverine were my favorites in the cartoons. I always felt like Jubilee's powers were supposed to be cooler and more effective but the network couldn't have a young teenage girl throwing pyrotechnics at people's faces.
I've been reminded to talk about the snack. It was good--no better or worse than any other sour cream and onion chip I've had. The chip itself was crunchy, no greasy pieces at all. A good grab if you're looking for sour cream and onion chips.

Pine tried Nickapple juice!!!!

Product: Teptip Brand Pineapple Juice
Origin: Thailand

First looks

Katie:
Smells kind of pineapple-y, I guess. I believe I will be bravely trying this on my own (how often does that happen, one regular reader that we have?) because Nick doesn't like pineapples. I like them when they're nice and fresh but I'm not sure I'd like an entire can of pineapple juice.  I guess we'll find out together!

Nick:
I don't think I've ever had good pineapple; all the times I've tried it it's been disgusting and extremely bitter, but people who like pineapple are like "That's not what good pineapple tastes like," so maybe I'll try this if Katie says it tastes like good pineapple. This product was approved by the Islamic Committee Office of Thailand, so I trust if there's any good pineapple to be found, it's in here.

Post-sip thoughts

Katie:
It's certainly pineapple. It's completely okay juice. I think I might not like pineapple as much as I thought. I usually have it alongside watermelon where it's a welcome break between super sweet watermelon bites. Here, the pineapple is on its own and I'm not finding it's my favorite fruit at all. If you like pineapples a bunch, this will be something for you to see out. If pineapples are just a novelty fruit you mainly have in cubed fruit trays twice a year, maybe not so much.

Nick:
Well, this is the least bad pineapple I've ever had, so all praise to Teptip and the Islamic Committee Office of Thailand for producing a pineapple product that I didn't immediately spit into the sink while crying. That being said, I still don't like this much; I guess I'm used to a lot sweeter taste when I'm drinking juice, and this is just a bit bitter for me, but I can at least say this is just not for me instead of being disgusting.