Origin: Taiwan
First looks
Katie:
A friend brought these back from his trip to Taiwan. They're gummy so it's random fact time brought to you by Wikipedia's random article feature. I can't wait to see what interesting thing comes up this time!!! Did you know that "Linton Stephens Covered Bridge, also known as Linton Stevens Covered Bridge, is a historic wooden covered bridge located in Elk Township and New London Township, Chester County, Pennsylvania"? Oh my gosh! This bridge must be really important. Maybe William Penn washed his pants in that spot or something. Let's keep reading! "It is a 102-foot-long (31 m) Burr truss bridge, constructed in 1886." Oh okay, so it's only a little over a hundred years old. That's still...something. Maybe Teddy Roosevelt did something cool there? It has to be historic for a reason right? "It crosses Big Elk Creek." Aw yus! Show that creek who's boss, Linton Stephens Covered Bridge! "It was listed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1980." That's it? No cool thing happened there? It wasn't the site of a women's march for the vote or anything? It's just some dumb covered bridge that isn't one of the Bridges of Madison County or even the one from Beetlejuice? Come the french toast on, guys. It's just a bridge? It's really just a bridge. Biscuit-eating son of a bulldog.
(all quotes from here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linton_Stephens_Covered_Bridge)
Nick:
The cover of this bag yells "DESIRE Hello Kitty" and I'm not sure I'm really capable of that, but sure, I'll eat her head in various colors. The red and orange smell pretty good (orange in particular has a very nice scent), while the green and yellow are a little more hinky. I think these will be okay as long as the yellow isn't pineapple, the green isn't apple and the Linton Stephens covered bridge gets a more interesting Wikipedia page.
Post-bite thoughts
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| Kitty White has no mouth and she must scream |
Nice and chewy gummis. I bit Hello Kitty's face right in half. The red is pretty good; kind of a dark cherry flavor. Well, you know, not cherry, "cherry" where any resemblance to a real fruit is incidental. The orange isn't a good as it smells; it's fake orange that isn't too good (nowhere near as disgusting as those orange soda twizzlers, but I don't really care for fake orange flavor). Green is indeed green apple and it's fucking disgusting. I could barely choke down the chunks of destroyed Hello Kitty face. Yellow is not pineapple; I think it's actually the best flavor, nice and sweet. Kinda mango-y? It's hard to tell the flavors, they're all fake af. Pretty good overall, much better than that piece of shit Linton Stephens covered bridge. #micdrop
Katie:
Yeah, he's calling you out, Linton Stephens covered bridge. You probably don't even support real traffic. Bet your dumb ass is local traffic only like some busted street undergoing maintenance! Why do you have house siding on you? Are you too ashamed of how lame a historic landmark you are that you want to be a house? Do you want me to live inside you, Linton Stephens Bridge? I know what your plan is. You want me to go all up inside you then BLAM, I'm lunch for a bridge. I'm not falling for that again.
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