Origin: An obscure Simpsons reference become reality!
First looks
Nick:
Well, they've gone and done it; some wiseass finally made Malk, for brittle bones. Not sure that's the best marketing scheme. On the upside, the front of the bottle yells "GUM FREE", and I'm sure we're all tired of all the, uh, gum in our pecan milk? I don't know, dude. It smells pretty good, kinda vaguely maple-y chocolate milk. I mean malk. God damn it.
Katie:
I hope this is packed with Vitamin R. This sounds like it would be really good with steamed hams and a side of tomacco. Turn those frowns upside down with Malk!
Okay now that we're done with all that business. It smells delicious. I'm thinking good thoughts about how delicious you'll be, Malk. Don't disappoint me.
Post-sip thoughts
Ugh. I am not going to always be drinking plenty of Malk, friends. Despite the maple on the label, this tastes like vaguely vanilla, gritty, old, butt juice. The second ingredient is maple syrup, but there's really almost no maple flavor. Pretty bad. Pret-ty bad. No sir, Ol' Little Maple Boy did not like this. Gross. Now if y'all will excuse me, I'm gonna go dump my nut juice.
Katie:
Nick's right, this is butt juice. And before you all start accusing me of not liking nut milk, I actually quite enjoyed this cappuccino almond milk stuff Nick's mom used to get. So I'm not just being picky. This is actively bad. It doesn't taste like pecans or anything good. It tastes somehow acidy and bitter, there's no creaminess or sweet taste to it at all. I'll stick with my whole milk Lactaid milk. Don't get this. For the love of Glob, don't get this. I feel like it's a proven rule now that anything with more than one "-free" on it, is going to taste like the devil's butthole.
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