Origin: Salem, Massachusetts
First looks
Katie:
When Giles Corey was being pressed by pounds of rocks during the Salem Witch Trials, he didn't say more rocks as famously reported...he said "emergency chocolate" (actually his death was pretty painful...sorry, Mr. Corey. You were brave enough to try and defend your wife against the accusations of crazy teenagers and your reward is to be stupidly joked about by a millennial in a food blog #sosorry)
Now that I got my dumb Salem thing out of my system, we bought this at a craft store. I don't know if that tells you anything about what kind of audience this chocolate is going for--creative people--or what this will taste like. I just thought you'd like to know that tidbit. I predict this will taste like low-to-medium quality chocolate and be "fine".
Nick:
I'm a little confused about the marketing for this item. Is it only meant to be consumed when you've already eaten every other chocolate item in the house? Surely that would limit how much people buy? Maybe you're supposed to put this in your GO BAG? I'm surprised by now there isn't like TACTICAL CHOCOLATE for your every day carry or something. Honestly, I think that might be the most interesting thing about this, because it just looks like regular milk chocolate and it smells like Hershey's. I don't really like regular milk chocolate that much, which is what I'm betting this is going to taste exactly like.
Post-bite
How in the world do you make chocolate taste actively bad? I'm not taking about novelty chocolate with absinthe in it (tried it, disgusting) or bacon chocolate (also gross). This is just normal chocolate. Normal chocolate that tastes bad. None of the wonderful deepness of dark chocolate or the creamy reliability of Hershey's or even the guilty pleasure goodness of cheapo stocking chocolate. This was just really awful tasting chocolate. No sweetness, no flavor. Have you ever made hot chocolate and overestimated how much water you'd need so you use too much then you wind up with hot water that sort of has some chocolate powder in it? This is like that except not hot water. Stay away from this nonsense. If you don't believe me, pick some up in the impulse shopping zone at your local chain craft store.
Nick:
Ooo, this is bad. Very, very cheap tasting, and too sweet, possibly in an attempt to cover up the crime. I don't know that I'd eat this even in an emergency, honestly. It's not even chocolate bunny in your Easter basket quality. Very nasty. This taste is almost as tragic as Mr. Giles Corey's untimely demise. We all deserve better than this load of old wank.
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