9.06.2017

Kitty cookies

Product: Scottish Wild Kittens Pure Butter Shortbread Shapes
Origin: Scotland

First looks

Nick:
ARE THESE MADE OUT OF SCOTTISH WILD KITTENS???? I want it written down that I do not support this product. Scottish wild kittens should be taking naps in the sun and falling over in adorable animated gifs posted to /r/awww instead of being made into "shortbread shapes". The, uh, shapes themselves look like boring ol' cookies, so I get the feeling that the box is going to be the most interesting part of these. Also, they stuck a huge nutritional sticker over the charming story on the back, so I can only make out something about the tranquility of delicious produce and whiskey tumblers straight from the bakery. Boo.

Katie:
So cute! Since the cute story was covered up, I'm making my own. Mama Cat worked hard at the bakery, drinking a whiskey tumbler now and then to keep her spirits up. Her three sons, Hamish, Donal, and David, aspired to be a great Scottish folk band. Every day, Hamish sang while Donal danced and David played the bagpipes. They eventually went viral on one of those weird European singing shows where the judges are like "Cor, ye wankers nicked me luv, yew did" and signed a big fame and fortune contract like Kermit the Frog at the end of that Muppets movie and they were rich but cats don't really need much money and Mama Cat wanted to invest for the future when they became an old meme so she bought a factory with their earnings and created the Scottish Wild Kittens company to sell shortbread shapes.


Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Well, these aren't bad, but I don't know if they're good enough to sacrifice any wild kittens. The texture is really nice - light, crunchy, and flaky. The flavor, though... I guess it's like mild butter? There's just not much taste here. Maybe I'm too American to be eating these and I'm expecting a huge taste explosion where my mouth is running at the camera going AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA while everything is blowing up behind it in a goofy green screen effect, and these are more like a mild butter puff of air my mouth is eating while laying in bed on a rainy Sunday afternoon with a cup of warm tea reading a book and petting a sleeping kitten. A sleeping Scottish wild kitten!!! Full circle!!!!!!!

Katie:
I must have been having terrible shortbread all my life because I thought I'd hate these. My previous impression of shortbread was that it was dry, tasteless, and gross...cookies for people without tastebuds who would melt if anything tasted like something. These cookies are good. Like Nick said, I might be too American to enjoy these fully but they are good. I reached for another after my initial taste cookie. Good job, Mama Cat.

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