Origin: Sri Lanka, Mexico, and the US
First looks
Nick:
Ooo, I don't know about these. I'm really worried what kind of shape the banana is going to be in once I bite into that dark chocolate. I like nice fresh bananas (in maple syrup or on top of cereal), and I'm afraid there's going to be some kind of gummy, dehydrated nastiness on the inside of these. Also, the back of the bag reads a little unhinged; in addition to being in ALL CAPS, it yells about how these snacks are "THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE" and "THESE ARE TRUE BANANAS". If you see me at the airport yelling about true bananas as the NEXT ORGANICS way, please kidnap me and bring me to a debrainwashing location. These bananas better be spectacular.
Katie:
I was thinking they were going to be more banana chips than plain sliced bananas dipped into chocolate. Oh no. Nick is making disgusted groaning sounds as I struggle to type my thoughts on these. This is not going to be fun.
Post-bite thoughts
OH MY GOD. There is no sugar in this. I should have realized what they meant by "organic dark chocolate" (sorry, "ORGANIC DARK CHOCOLATE") is no-sugar-added, absolutely disgusting, straight from the deepest pit of Hell "chocolate". And the banana inside... it's worse than I could have possibly imagined. It's like you die and you get to Hell and you're impaled on a burning bed of nails and Satan comes by and is like "How's Hell," and you're like "This sucks worse than I could have imagined" and he's like hahahaha, watch this and pulls out this bag and two big fat demon guys pry your mouth open and Satan gets ready to pour this snack into your mouth and suddenly being impaled on a bed of white-hot nails forever seems like a nice vacation. How do you fuck up putting chocolate on a banana? I'm really angry about this. Stuff like ginger candy is hopeless, but this is such an easy snack to make and it's so, so bad. F-. Ugh, I can still taste the desiccated banana corpse and fake, no-sugar chocolate.
Katie:
In the far future, humanity is kept as pets by their benevolent synthetic overlords. Treating their creators like hamsters in cages, the robots build their humans fun enclosures with cool multicolored mazes and wheels to run around in. Next Organics, the intergalactic people food company, is searching for the next people kibble to serve up to posh synthetics who want to give their pampered pets a treat. MarketBot#XJ917 remembers humans once loved a yellow fruit (beninos?) and that they continue to love chocolate. Unfortunately, beninos appear to be extinct according to the database of ancient human foodstuffs. Undaunted, MarketBot#XJ917 has the drones (actual drones flying around with little lab coats painted on) in R&D whip up some approximated beninos to include in Next Organics' new people kibble--Dark Chocolate Beninos. Some doofus makes an error that is caught too late and the product ends up shipping as Dark Chocolate Bananas. The space elevator is loaded up with crates of the stuff and sent up the cable but a tachyon storm opens up, swallowing the chocolate-covered lab-approximated beninos and sending them hurtling into the past where they are eventually sold at Marshalls to the delight of no one.
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