Disney Day 4

Restaurant #1: Morimoto Asia (as opposed to Morimoto South Pole where you just eat snow)
Location: Disney Springs

Katie's Entree: Beef Lo Mein

Katie:
The beef was very good (and you know if I'm saying, that really means something!). The noodles were excellent along with the veggies. The only thing I didn't like was the pickled ginger but it was on the side of the dish as an option so you can easily ignore it. Plus...we got to eat at an Iron Chef's restaurant!!! We're fancy now. Eat at this restaurant, if you can, when you visit Disney Springs. Also, for anyone curious, the Disney Springs portion is nice...it's a huge outdoor shopping zone with "real" stores and places to eat. We stopped at Na Hoku and bought some cool koa wood rings. 

Super sidetrack--The Candlelight Processional was amazing and beautiful. It was well-worth the dinner package so if you're at all interested in that sort of thing, I think you have a wholehearted recommendation from both of us. Okay that was it.

Nick: I had some of this, and my gosh, it's worth betraying PF Changs to get this stuff. I could leave all the veggies behind, but the meat and the noodles had a really wonderful sweet BBQ flavor. Also, the main reception desk is made of one solid piece of white material that comes down from the second floor, forms the desk, then runs off behind the receptionist where you can sit at it because it's a bar or something. Totes amazeballs!

Nick's Entree: Orange Chicken

Nick: 
Well, I guess orange chicken isn't the most exciting entree, but this was really good; the chicken is prepared tempura style with a fried outer shell with a subtle orange flavor. I ate it all right up. Also, white rice that I don't know what it's for since there's nothing to put on it. I think I once again liked Katie's dish a little bit more than mine, but this was very tasty. I think next time I'm going to be a little more adventurous and get the hamburger ($29!) 

Katie: 
The first one I had was superb. Then I had a small patch that was too tough and I was reminded of why I barely eat meats. I'm not picky. I just don't like to masticate my food for a thousand years. I'm not a sarlaac.

Katie's Desert: Churros

That's nutella in the tube. Nutuba.

Katie:
My nutella came in a tube! Space nutella!!! There was also some vanilla cream for dipping. There were three large churros on the plate so I think this is a dessert you'd want to share since there is so much of it. 

Nick:
Well, this was good, but I'm not really sure how Asian it is; I mean, if you're going to Morimoto's Asia, I'm not like "Churro time!!!!". The nutella on the churros was very nice, but I don't know how a single person would manage to eat all of these. Even with me helping I think Katie only managed to finish two.

Nick

Nick's Desert: Melon Cream Soda Float

Katie:
There were kiwi bubbles in it. POP. That's the sound they make in your mouth. Just don't suck too hard or you'll end up with way too many bubbles in your mouth and you'll be like "how can I handle all these bubbles???" Then you'll drink some of the Ramune and remember why you don't ever drink more than a sip and then Iron Chef Morimoto will look down on you disapprovingly for wasting food at his restaurant.

Nick:

Now this was interesting; it's vanilla ice cream with Ramune melon soda over it, fruit on the bottom, and "boba pearls". What the heck is a boba pearl? It tastes like a hollow berry with kiwi juice inside of it that explodes in your mouth with a very intense kiwi taste. I'm normally not a kiwi fan, but that's more texture than anything else, and the kiwi explosion every time one of these went off was a very pleasant experience texture-wise, not to mention tasting great. Even without the boba pearls, the vanilla ice cream along with the mango soda tasted surprisingly good; with it, this is one of my favorite deserts we've had and I ate the whole thing even after helping Katie with her massive churros. A+!










Restaurant #2 Rainforest Cafe (again)
Location: Disney Springs

Katie and Nick's dish: South China Chicken Salad

Katie:
Delicious! I even enjoyed the orange slices in the salad, even though I found the choice odd on the menu. There was enough dressing for every bite to have a taste without the salad swimming in a lake. I was eyeing Nick's remaining salad after I'd finished mine so I could have even more.

Nick:
Wow, this thing is big. I should have put a fork or something in the picture to demonstrate just how huge this salad is. This is the biggest entree salad I've ever had, and it's really good; grilled chicken over lettuce, fried Chinese noodles, wonton strips and little carrot slices. I'm wary of salads with either limp lettuce (I despise field greens for this reason) or with too much dressing that makes the greens squishy, but this was perfect; slathered with ranch dressing (I guess they love ranch in South China?) but still very nice and crunchy. I ate the whole thing too fast. (Except the orange slices. They were my ally cooling my mouth down last time we were here when I had the spicy stir fry, but they weren't needed this time.)

Dessert: Root Beer Float

Katie:
Now this is how you do a root beer float!  The glass was heavily ice creamed with a generous splash of root beer (really the root beer is there to add flavoring to the vanilla ice cream, it's not meant to be a drink...at least the way I like it) and we were each given the remaining root beer in an IBC bottle. I quite enjoyed this dessert, even though it was basically something I could have made myself. Next visit, I'll switch between this and the mango sorbet if both are still on the dessert menu. 

Nick:
Very generous on the ice cream and root beer. I'm not sure IBC root beer would have been my first choice (maybe something sweeter like A&W or Mug), but I'm really just picking the smallest of nits here; it's a large helping of vanilla ice cream with a whole bottle of root beer on top. Can't go wrong!

Disney Day 3

The actual view from our table

Restaurant #1: San Angel Inn
Location: Mexico--Epcot World Showcase

Katie's Entree: Chile Relleno

Katie:
Absolutely delicious! I don't even eat pork and I thoroughly enjoyed this. There was a wonderful sweetness to it followed by a spice punch to the face, both flavors working together for a scrumptious food knock-out. I highly recommend eating at San Angel Inn in the Mexico pavilion to have this dish and enjoy the atmosphere of a plaza night market in Mexico. Our seat was right by the water so we could view the ride boats as they passed too.

Oh and my food. Look at that
decadent soda I ordered!

Nick:
Oh, gosh. I shouldn't have tried some of this before I ate my own lunch, because this was amazingly good; the pulled pork had a really delicious sweet and sour type of thing going on. I'm not sure if they added sugar or cinnamon or what, but if Katie had left her plate unattended I was going to eat all of it. I'm definitely getting this next time. Katie even ate the pine nuts! Oops, there isn't enough text to get past the picture of her food. Uh, it was great, and I'm getting it next time. The end.





Nick's entree: Tacos de Carne

MEAAAAAATTTTTTT

Nick:
I believe that just means "meat taco", and emphasis on the carne. I took two pictures of this, one with the flash and one without, and the one without it's a little coy like, what's in this pan? and the one with the flash on, it's like MEAAAATTTTTTT. These were fine - I even liked the beans, a sentence I never thought I'd type - but the MEAT is just basic steak, and after having taken a bite of Katie's transcendent pulled pork, I was like, "Is this it? Just meat?". Should've gone for the Chile Relleno.

Katie:
I ate some beans in the bite of Nick's I tried. I actually didn't notice their weird texture over the MEATTTTTTTT. It was fine. As Nick said, after having my dish...this poor taco guy couldn't compete. I'm imagining a sad little taco boy sitting on the steps near the river, weeping softly while Chile Relleno is triumphantly carried on the shoulders of a crowd chanting "Best Dish in Mexico!"

Katie's Dessert: Caramel ice cream

Katie:
It was good as one would expect. A safe dessert choice.

Nick's Dessert: Chocolate Mousse

Katie:
I did not care for it BUT as longtime readers know, I'm not really into chocolate. I don't hate it but a little bit goes a very long way with me. Okay, now to Nick's more interesting entry.

Pictured: Chocolate mousse.

Nick:
Oh, no pressure. This is very good chocolate mousse; there's a layer of whipped cream, then the mousse, then berries on the sides, and some kind of delicious chocolate bean thing in the mousse itself. Unfortunately, after a few bites I remembered something very important: I don't really like chocolate mousse. If you want chocolate mousse (man am I getting tired of typing "chocolate mousse") this is a great chocolate mousse, but if you don't love chocolate mousse like me, this chocolate mousse isn't going to change your mind to make you love chocolate mousse. By the way, is there any kind of non-chocolate mousse? I've never seen, like, vanilla mousse or mint mousse or anything.
PS: Chocolate mousse.

Restaurant #2: Garden Grill
Location: Epcot - The Land

Entree: Thanksgiving Special

Nick:
Well, this was a lot of food. The Thanksgiving part of it is pot roast, turkey with gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, a sausage (???) and green beans all over the place. To my surprise I really liked the pot roast; I'm not sure what this normally is, but here it was like pulled pork, cooked until it was very soft and savory. The mashed potatoes (with chives and rosemary) were also very good. The rest wasn't bad; turkey is turkey and was basically a gravy delivery mechanism, the stuffing was OK, and I have no idea what the sausage thought it was doing here. Thanksgiving sausage? Is that a thing?
To my intense amusement, the food also came with the ol' Picky Kid special: French fries with ketchup and mac and cheese. The french fries are just french fries; the mac and cheese was quite good, very creamy and topped with goldfish crackers, which I've never tried before but actually worked really well.

Katie:
To the surprise of nobody, I wasn't a big fan of the meat. The sausage might have been fine except the casing was thick and took too much effort (is that a feature for some people?). The turkey, as Nick said, was a gravy delivery system. The pot roast meat shards I had were acceptable. Again, I don't really like the taste or texture of meat for the most part so consider that when you read my reviews. I liked the mashed potatoes and mac and cheese, though the mashed potatoes were way better. I thought the stuffing was good except the bits that had been done more and were a little too dry. Throughout our meal, we saw Mickey, Pluto, Chip, and Dale. I hugged all of them and even Nick got in on the Disney hugs. This would be a good meal for a group, especially one with kids who like to see the characters. One kid at a table near us was holding a Pluto plushie, bursting with anticipatory joy at the notion that Pluto would soon be at his table. It was adorable. The ride also rotates very slowwwwwly (a full rotation takes an hour) through The Land ride so expect errant noises from the ride while you're eating, but nothing too annoying.

Dessert: Shortcake topped with Fruit Compote and Vanilla Bean Whipped Cream

Katie:
Hells yes. The shortcake was nice and warm, the berries were so good I even ate a blueberry again! Just...get this dessert. I mean it's the only dessert but get it just the same.

Nick:
Wow, this was big. I'm not sure the picture does this justice; the spoon in the picture isn't a little tea spoon, it's a huge serving spoon you would barely be able to fit in your mouth. This was good - I even liked the fruit compote, although the whipped cream was even nicer - but it's just soooo bigggg. I ate about a quarter of the shortcake, which is very sweet and light, before I had to give up. I think four people polishing this off would probably work a little bit better, but I enjoyed as much as I was able to eat.
PS: Do not bring your wife to Garden Grill; I had to fight off both Chip and Pluto from trying to make off with her (and by fight off I mean bearhug into submission).

Disney Day 2

Restaurant: Liberty Tree Inn
Location: Magic Kingdom

Nick's Entree: Angus Chuck Cheeseburger

Nick: Well, this was basically just a very nice burger; it came with the toppings on the side. which is nice, as I was able to just hand Katie my tomatoes without having to pry them off when the waitress isn't looking. I ended up eating it with cheddar, bacon, lettuce and mayo, and it was good; I don't really have much to say about this. A dependable favorite, I suppose.

Katie: I took a few bites, it was quite tasty. A good choice to order at this restaurant.

Katie's Entree: Freedom Pasta (pasta, artichokes, mushrooms, and tomatoes tossed in a roasted red pepper cream sauce with grilled chicken)

Katie: Very delicious! I even ate some of the chicken and artichokes. Everything blended perfectly and even though there was a lot on the plate, I wasn't too full to be adventuring around the park after. I realized we didn't describe this restaurant at all. It's themed on 18th Century America. When you sign in, they ask you for your family's name and where you're from so when you're introduced, they'll say things like "Welcoming, from the territory of Missouri, The Banana Family!" or "Let's welcome the Hammer Family from the state of New York!". It's a fun place to eat.

Nick: I stole some of Katie's dish, so I'm going to chime in here to note that, gosh, this was delicious. Apparently I owe red pepper cream sauce an apology for not eating it my entire life. I liked this so much I even enjoyed the asparagus, a sentence I'm guessing I'm not going to be typing too often. I even ate the cheese-covered grilled chicken Katie didn't want!

Dessert: Seasonal Sorbet (Raspberry) with strawberries and blueberries

Nick: The waitress was like "Wow, there's a lot of sorbet in there" and I have to agree we got a lot of sorbet. If you'd told me a week ago I was going to be wolfing down raspberry sorbet with strawberries and blueberries, I'd have been very skeptical, but here we are; I ate almost all of this (although I gave Katie the strawberries and blueberries). I normally find raspberries very bitter and unpleasant, but I guess they added a lot of sugar to this or did some kind of necromantic sorbet magic that made this delicious. I didn't even mind crunching the tiny raspberry seeds in there. Delicious!

Katie: I ate some blueberries. Normally, they are strictly muffin-ensconced foodstuff for me. I happily ate half of the ones I received along with the sorbet. The sorbet was the perfect end to the meal. We were tempted by the Ooey Gooey Toffee Cake but the sorbet felt like a better option considering we had a burger and pasta. Keep in mind the sorbet is seasonal so you may get a completely different flavor than us if you go at another time of the year.

Bonus Item

Jambalya from the hotel cafeteria

Katie: I ordered this because one time Captain Sisko mentioned liking it from his father's restaurant on Earth. Seriously. And it was delicious. A yummy meal recommendation from my favorite Captain.

Nick: I just like going JAM-BA-LA-YAAA. Once again I had some of Katie's, and this was great; I even ate the chopped up sausages in it happily. I hope these happy food reviews are still entertaining! It's nice writing about stuff we really liked instead of coconut peach chunk juice!

Disney Day 1

Restaurant: Rainforest Cafe
Location: Disney Springs

Appetizer: Chicken Quesadillas

Katie:
A go-to for us when we're not sure what we want. The quesadillas were good, if a touch heavy on the chicken for my personal preference. I enjoyed the three options we were given to top them as well--sour cream, medium salsa, and some...chunky tomato stuff. A good starter but our plan doesn't include appetizers so don't ;expect too many app reviews hahahaha.

Nick:
Well, I think these are probably the best chicken quesadillas I've had, although that's not saying a whole heck of a lot. I think the secret is that the chicken was nicely roasted and had a great flavor; in the past I've had quesadillas with sad grey chicken and a lot of stringy cheese that doesn't always taste like a lot, but these were delicious. (Also, if anyone from the cafeteria at work is reading this, they weren't four inches thick. I'm just sayin')

Entree: Spicy Korean Chicken Stir Fry

Nick:
Ahhhh, now we're talking. This is like a base of chicken, red bell pepper, broccoli, and orange pieces in a spicy sauce with a big rice and wonton cone on top, and then cabbage on top of that. I'm normally a spice wimp, but this was great (or I was really hungry after only eating airline pretzels after being up for 10 hours, or both). The only thing I didn't eat was the broccoli; I don't like eating orange normally, but it calmed the spice down pretty well. I really liked this, but if we're going back to the Rainforest Cafe, I'm probably going to get something with a little less heat like the South China Salad (complete with South China Dressing, aka, uh, ranch. Oops, maybe I should have saved this bit for next time we go here!)

Katie:
This destroyed me. I have been obliterated by the spice! It was so bad our waiter was like "your face is red" and brought me some more rice and a sippy cup (literally, it just didn't have the top) of milk. I liked it initially but the spice build up was way, way too much for me. If you can handle spice, you will love this. If you cringe at the idea of adding hot sauce to anything, stay far away...there's plenty of other good stuff on the menu.

Dessert: Mango Sorbet

Katie:
For me, this was the hands down winner of the linner (lunch and dinner...in one meal!). The sorbet tasted, obviously, like mangos and was super yummy. Both drizzles were good--raspberry and...other one--and even the mango chunks on top were delicious. I'm normally not a mango fan but I also have only ever had it in those pre-cut Price Chopper plastic tubs that you have to eat in the small freshness window before it all gets mushy and weird (i.e. sometime between 5 minutes after they packed it and 2 minutes after you bring it home).

Nick:
I quite like mango (they call me Mister Mango Man down at the mango store where I go to buy mangos and also mango-shaped hats that make it look like your face is a giant mango seed [some of that is true]). (Katie note: None of that is true except that he likes mangos) and to the surprise of few, I really liked this. The orange drizzle is citrusy; I have no idea what the red stuff is - I think Katie might be right that it's raspberry - and they're both great. The only thing I didn't really love was the little mango chunks, but they're easy to dodge with your fork. Delicious!

Quinoa chips

Product: Quinoa Chips--Barbeque
Origin: Texas

First looks

Katie:
The chips are similar in appearance to Harvest chips, wavy with a firm texture. That smell though. It's in the neighborhood of barbeque, I'll give the chips that but the overwhelming smell is this unpleasant corny smell. I don't know how else to describe it but it's like old corn...you know how smells linger and what you made for dinner can still be scented hours later, good or bad? It's like that. The remnants of old corn and I don't like it.

Nick:
Uh, that smell might actually be me; I'm stuffed full of movie popcorn and Johnny Rocket's. I'm sorry, everyone. So very sorry. And, don't laugh, I didn't actually know what quinoa was until looking at this, but now I know it's an "ancient grain"! I think it's pretty hard to mess up frying up a vegetable and putting BBQ flavoring on it, so I hope these are going to be good. I mean, not as good as movie popcorn and Johnny Rocket's, let's be realistic.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
I still think the smell is the chips. Anyway, they're not awful. The barbeque taste is spot on, spicy in all the right ways. The chips have an odd mouthfeel, though. Not as firm or crunchy as a potato chip or even whatever Harvest Chips are made of (discarded Harvest Moon villagers? Like whoever you don't marry gets chipped? Idk. I only played that game for 10 minutes. I'm more of an Animal Crossing person) but not completely off-putting and awful. I think I could probably get used to it if I ate more of them so overall verdict is...a yes? I think? Hopefully Nick will be more precise. No pressure, dearest!

Nick:
Well, I can't believe I'm typing this, but the gluten-free quinoa chips aren't bad! Like Katie said the flavoring is spot on, but I have the same thing she does where there's something not quite right about these; I think the quinoa itself might be the culprit as it has a kind of musty corn taste that doesn't go with the BBQ flavoring perfectly. The texture is also airier than a potato chip, but that doesn't really bug me; it's the taste of the chip itself under the flavoring, I think. I would recommend these to people who can't have gluten but want a good chip easily, but for myself I think I'm going to stick with BBQ Lay's and Pringles.

Drink special

Also known as the "We got behind on Munchpaks and now we have four beverages" special.

Drink #1
Product: Kola Inglesa--The red kola
Origin: Miami, FL

First looks

Nick:
I just want to point out that this is only "The red kola" because they put red food coloring in it. I'm cautiously optimistic about this; it smells nice and fruity, and I like fruit sodas. Not sure how much of a kola taste this is going to have, even though I'm sure the marketing team stayed up many a sleepless night coming up with the slogan "The Red Kola" for this stuff.

Katie:
Wow, the cherry smell on this soda is cutting through the stuffed nose I have at the time of this writing. This is going to either be mildly pleasant or horribly medicinal tasting. I'm not sensing a middle ground here. I do appreciate the k in kola, though. C is a superfluous letter. We already have k for the hard sounds and s for the slithery snake sounds (like the c in cider sssssssider. Sssssssidah. I'm a touch goofed up on DayQuil. Don't judge me).

Post-sip thoughts

Nick:
Oof. I don't think I want to inglesa too much of this kola. The cherry flavor has a kind of bitter, slightly medicinal taste that I'm really not enjoying. I think I'm just going to stick to Cherry Coke and not care about what color it is because I'm drinking it out of a can anyway.

Katie:
It's not bad. As Nick said, it has medicinal elements but also this subtle vanilla taste at the end. I guess if you really like medicinal cherry flavoring--somehow--you could get this odd soda. I know certain readers seem to like it when we actually like a food so here's hoping we enjoy one of these drinks.

Drink #2
Product: Pink Guava Juice
Origin: Taiwan

First looks

Katie:
The juice is indeed pink so we have not been falsely advertised to. Have I had guava before? Not sure. Do I know what a guava is or looks like? Nope. Did I completely forget that guavas existed before I saw the can? Yes. Yes, I did. Hey, maybe they'll make a million guava gummies so Nick has a new flavor to hate!

Nick:
Well! I'll save all those gummies for you since you love gummies so much. I'm pretty sure I've never had or even seen a guava before, not even in those goofy Nintendo DS deserted island survival simulators where I ate a ton of taro root or whatever. This smells extremely fruity, I guess unsurprisingly; the can says it's only 30% juice and the rest is water and sugar, but I'm still a little scared of the taste being overpowered. Overpowered by guava.

Yup, it's pink juice.

Post-sip thoughts

Katie:
Quite delicious. Not too sweet, not bitter at all. It's like a creamy fruity taste, if that makes any sense. I almost finished my entire portion before Nick had even finished writing his initial thoughts down. So yeah, we--or at least I--liked something! Score one for...liking...something?

Nick:
Wow, this is good! Like Katie said it's sweet, but it's not too sweet; it tastes like what I imagine peach juice would taste like if peaches weren't disgusting. We polished the can off pretty quick. I would definitely get more of this. Guava job. See, like good job, but it's guava. It almost rhymes, like the first letter... ahhh, never mind. I'm curious to see if this can top what's up next.

Drink #3
Product: Ramune Carbonated Soft Drink - Watermelon
Country of origin: Japan

First looks

Nick:
Aw yussssss. I'm afraid I'm cheating a little here because I've already had this (for sale at the candy store) and it's quite good. This is the famous marble soda where you smack a marble down into like a soda antechamber in the body of the bottle and it supposedly keeps it from going flat or something. Katie didn't want much in her glass, so I don't suppose she thinks she's going to like this, but I'm looking forward to it.

Katie:
I don't think I will like it much. The Ramune sodas have not been my favorites but maybe I'm allowing one bad one to color my memory. I'll try to give this one a fair shake. Awkward transition time. The color is pink, like the guava juice, except exceedingly so. Bright pink in the way no natural drink (or real watermelon) is.

Post-sip thoughts

Nick:
To the surprise of few, I like this. It's basically watermelon soda, that's all you need to know and pretty much all there is to it. It could stand to be slightly sweeter, but it really does taste like watermelon. Katie, you love watermelon, did you love this?

Katie:
If you didn't tell me this was watermelon, then I tried some, then you told me it was watermelon, I'd have called you a flat-out liar. This doesn't taste like watermelon at all. It tastes like bubbles and faint minerals. Like that horrible, horrible flipping Saratoga water that everyone is always "this is great!" and meanwhile, it tastes like you're licking a rock monster. A really sweaty rock monster. Anyway. It's possible my stuffiness and mega coughing is affecting my taste here so try it for yourself and see what you think. Nick is a famous picky person so if he likes something, it's probably actually good. Unless it's gummy. Or a Skittle that fell on the floor. Or the last season of Boardwalk Empire where everyone just stared grumpily and nothing happened and they skipped over the most interesting part of the whole 20s gangster scene (i.e. the fall of Arnold Rothstein, the actual rise of Capone, Luciano becoming a thing and not just some guy, etc.).

Drink #4
Product: Badam Drink--Almond Drink (real bits of almond and saffron)
Origin: India

First looks

Katie:
Saffron is one of the most expensive spices in the world, right? Or at least that is what I heard on Food Network. Not sure I can place the smell other than milky. I hope this is going to be better than Malk.

Nick:
Katie pretty much covered everything I had; I'm sure this will be better than Malk (I'm not sure how it could be worse unless it started making racist remarks when you opened the bottle or something). I have no idea what to expect from saffron-flavored almond milk, and I don't really know how to describe the smell. It's like chalky milk. If nothing else, I guess I'm having my horizons expanded. Thanks, Munchpak!

Post-sip thoughts

Katie:
By the gods, there are chunks. I guess the can was not lying when it said "real bits of almond and saffron". The almond milk part isn't bad. It's sort of like kefir...kind of? Just...the chunks. I can't get past the chunks, dudes.

Nick:
Aaaaaaargh! The chunks! Why are there chunks? Who did this?? I withdraw my thanks. The taste is nice (mildly spicy milk), but my god. The chunks. Absolutely disgusting. You should be ashamed, badam drink. More like, uh, bad, um, drink. Maybe if you put it through a fine mesh screen; I did really like the taste, it's just the chunks. If anyone knows a nice almond milk saffron drink WITHOUT @*% CHUNKS, leave it in the comments. Or maybe I'll have some kefir, which I also have totally had and definitely know what it is without looking it up.

Aw musss

Springy-hair science kid made
the candy, I guess?

Product: Zozole Musss
Origin: Poland

First looks

Katie:
Our first Polish snack, I think. I'm interested to try these as I have some Polish heritage and had a pen pal (remember those, fellow old people?) for a few years from there. The candies are quite big, reminding me of cough drops. They are also covered in white powder as a ton of candy from Europe seems to be now. Maybe put the sugar on the inside?

Nick:
ZOZOLE MUSSSS!!! I feel like the name might be the best part of these; fake orange and fake lemon aren't really my favorite flavors, so my expectations aren't too high. Then again, the first and second ingredients are sugar and glucose (aka sugar), so who knows. Hopefully I'll be yelling ZOZOLE MUSSS in joy, not ZOZOLE MUSSS in outraged betrayal.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
Not bad at all! The orange isn't too sweet or cloying, nor is it too citrusy. I can't say I'm a huge fan of "suck on it" candy but I wouldn't mind snagging one of these now and then from the office candy dish. Good first snack, Poland.

Nick:
Katie and I had opposite reactions to these; I didn't like the orange, but I did like the lemon. The orange is fine, but I just don't like orange candy, and the size and shape makes it feel like a cough drop. The lemon on the other hand is really sour at first - the white, cocaine-looking substance on it is a very super sour powder. Once the initial shock wears off, it has a nice sweet lemon flavor that I really like. As with Katie, I'm not a huge fan of candy you have to suck on for too long, so it will probably get crunched soon, but I would definitely have more of the lemon flavor.

Nutrition disks

Product: Baked Frosted Rice Snacks
Origin: Japan

First looks

Katie:
Hail, citizen! Have you consumed your nutrition disk today? The pleasing and glorious Food Minister has added a hint of sea salt to bring joy to you and your mouth. Exalt our Supreme Leader for appointing such a Food Minister to look kindly upon the People with such gifts as this hint of salt. Return now to your honorful toilings with gratitude tears towards glorious Food Minister and Supreme Leader. Let your sea salt-touched mouth sing the praises of our leaders!

Nick:
Okay, let's be real here: These things aren't gonna taste like anything. I know I sometimes joke about puffed air, but this really looks like what it would, ummmm, look like, and I'm sure despite the "hint" of sea salt, there's going to be zero flavor on this. Hold on, Greg's trying to eat one of the wrappers for these. Spit that out! Come back here!

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
It seems Food Minister wasn't totally crazy here. I think I'd actually like it better without the salt. It reminds me of Frosted Flakes but way less frosting and without the corn flake taste. I guess these aren't awful nonfood circles but I don't think I'd be searching for these at the store. I think I might keep the bag to eat after I down an entire jar of apple salsa from Indian Ladder Farms.

Nick:
Wow, these are sweet! I thought these were supposed to be salty, but I guess they're not kidding about a "hint" of sea salt, because I don't taste salt at all. These taste like little discs of breakfast cereal. I kind of like these, I don't think enough to buy more, but I'll finish the bag off if I can have some apple salsa too. Can I have some? We got five jars!

PS from Katie:
LOL, no.
PPS:
Holy shit, we liked something that was gluten free.
PPPS:
Not as much as that apple salsa though!!!!

Cumberland Farms Diner Side Snacks--Watch us suffer live special

Product #1 Sweet Potato Fries
Origin: Cumberland Farms

First looks

Nick:
I'm very suspicious right now. These are billed as sweet potato fries, and I guess I don't see why you couldn't take a sweet potato, chop it into a french fry shape, fry it and sell it in a bag, but these smell like stale cinnamon and it's giving me pause. Also, the first ingredient is corn meal. Guess what the sweet potato part is? "Sweet Potato Powder". Is this just sweet-potato flavored corn meal?!!?!?! Katie, what do you make of this?

Katie:
Maybe it's failed astronaut food?  I'm a little scared that this is "food" in the same way saw dust and shoe leather are food during a long siege. At least it smells nice!

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Oh, these are weird. They're definitely puffed corn meal with "sweet potato" flavoring on them. They kind of taste like an airy Cheeto with fake sweet potato flavoring on it instead of cheese. The texture is actually quite nice, and I think I'd like this with cheese on it, but the sweet potato flavoring itself is, uh, not great; the corn has a sweet taste that clashes with the salt and sweet potato flavor in a way I'm not really enjoying very much. Swing and a miss, I think. Also, not a great sign the first product in this live spectacular is lying to us about what it is. I trusted you, Cumbies!!! We should have gotten some of that blueberry soda that turns your poop green!

Katie:
Ew! Nicholas, no one is going to read your comments if you keep talking about that. I'm telling Mickey and he's going to shake his head disapprovingly as soon as we get to Disney World.
Anyway, these chips were...not gross, I guess. They tasted enough like sweet potato and zero like butt so that's something. I'm struggling to describe why the chips don't work. You've heard of the uncanny valley, I'm assuming. These chips taste enough like sweet potato to make me think of a sweet potato but also not enough to really be like one so I'm in the uncomfortable uncanny valley of flavoring.

Product #2
Product: Parmesan and Garlic Fries
Origin: Duh.

First looks

Katie:
Oh boy, Nick is going to hate these. I'm not sure I'm going to like them either. They look like green beans after Bunnicula ate them. There's no smell to speak of so that might be a point in its favor. Usually, Parmesan doesn't translate well to fake processed cheese. My hope is to like at least one of these but I don't think it's going to be this one.

Nick:
Well, I don't have any worries about the texture based on the last fries, but the taste... I mean, I love garlic, and Parmesan is also, uh, a thing that exists, so maybe... hmm. Well, I don't have high hopes for this, but you never know. Maybe I'll love them and we'll be stopping at Cumbies all the time to get these and that soda I'm not supposed to talk about because Mickey Mouse is mad now.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
Bland. It's like someone made garlic bread but forgot they were out of garlic except for a few atoms of garlic powder in an expired spice container. I didn't get any Parm taste but that's probably good. I can't imagine it would have added anything. These were fine. If one of my work peeps had a bag and gave me some, I'd eat like three sticks again but I'd be wishing they were something else. 0 for 2, Cumbies.

Nick:
Spoiler alert, we put these in order of weirdness from least to most, so if it's 0-2 right now, it's probably not going to get above 0 in the hit column. As for these, "bland" sums it all up. I've noticed with some flavors, like when we try a "bacon" item made by vegans, it's just salt, and apparently whoever made this is a vampire who's never tasted garlic because it's just salty. Tastes like vaguely salty nothing. Not good, dog.

Product #3
Product: Beer-battered onion rings

First looks

Nick:
Well, I don't like beer and I don't like onion rings, which would normally be a bad sign, but the theme here seems to be at best a passing resemblance to the item these things are imitating, so, maybe it won't be too bad? Let me guess: It's going to be cornmeal shaped into another item with a sprinkling of flavoring on it and salt. They actually do smell slightly oniony, so we'll see, but I don't have my hopes up.

Katie:
I like onion rings. I don't drink beer but I like it in the cheese fondue at The Melting Pot and other foods. I find myself agreeing with my comrade, the trend for these has not be good so far. Maybe they'll at least taste like onions! Or at the very least, not like a stinky foot.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Well, they don't taste anything like beer or onions. They actually taste like really good BBQ potato chips. In fact, if you just think of them as round, airy BBQ potato chips, these are actually really tasty. I think this is the only item we'd tried so far where I'm not only going to finish the bag, but I would get more. I'd suggest just rebranding these as like "BBQ-Os" or something and I think they'd be a hit! I'm glad these don't taste anything like what they're supposed to!

Katie:
There's onion if you squint. As if someone took french onion soup then added way too much water. For size comparison, the chip is Godzilla and the onion-flavor is a human standing next to Godzilla. I'd have some of Nick's bag if he gets these again but I couldn't handle a whole bag on my own. Look for these next time you go to Cumbies (if there is one near you).

Product #4

Product: Mac and Cheese Bites

First looks

Katie:
When Nick opened the bag, he gagged. Oh jeez. This isn't going to be a good one. At least we fulfilled my hope of liking one thing from this experiment! We suffer so you don't have to. "What do Mac and Cheese bites from Cumberland Farms taste like?!" you no longer need to shout in agony as you toss and turn in sweat-soaked sheets at 3 am. You're welcome. Like a few other things we've reviewed, these have no smell...which helps them hide from predators. I got nothing. I don't even like real mac and cheese bites. Ffffffffffffffffffffffffff.

Nick:
I got a snootful of old foot smell when opening the bag. The back promises "tangy cheddar," but since we live in a world gone mad where nothing tastes like anything it's supposted to anymore, who knows what this is actually going to be? Watermelon? Blue peaches? Old butt juice? We'll see; I'm not terribly confident whatever flavoring they put on the corn this time is going to be great, but you never know.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
It's oddly sweet. It tastes like very mass-produced--albeit well-meaning--buffet mac and cheese. The kind where the cheese is so mild and so inoffensive that even stupid babies can eat it. It's not awful, you think as you scoop another spoonful into your mouth because the line to get the food was so long and you really don't want to go back up there especially seeing as how your SO isn't back to the table yet and you don't want anyone to steal your stuff so you have to keep eating this bland af mac and cheese, but it's not exactly good.

Nick:
These are pretty good! They taste like someone added too much milk to Kraft macaroni and cheese so it doesn't taste like much and then they added sugar to try and cover up the crime. The sweetness works surprisingly well with the creaminess of the cheese; I have no idea how they managed to get the flavoring on these little corn cylinders to actually taste like creamy (albiet very cheap) cheese, but they did it. I'm as shocked as everyone else. Hey, a happy ending!

Stubborn 2: stubborner

Product: Stubborn Soda--Root Beer
Origin: Florida

First looks

Nick:
This is our second Stubborn Soda product; with the cream soda we liked it but were a little put off by the agave taste. This stuff doesn't mention agave, and I hope it isn't in here; the fruity taste was OK with cream soda, but when I drink root beer I don't want to be tasting fruit. (I don't like Barq's either. Remember those annoying ads about how it had bite? It doesn't have bite; it just tastes fucking weird.)

Katie:
Oh wow, I just got it. Barq's has...bite! Ha, that's actually stupidly funny. The smell of this root beer is odd. I'm not sure what the smell is but it's not like any other root beer I've had. In our area, Stewart's Root Beer is the gold standard so I feel it would be unfair to hold this to those high standards but it would be nice if we could find another awesome root beer. That being said, we did take our extra Bear Wizz to a paint and sip with my mom so there's that (don't think she liked it!).

Post-sip thoughts

Nick:
Mmm, not for me, I don't think. The label says "Classic Root Beer Flavor" and that's what you get here; I like mine a little sweeter (like Stewart's. Yes, I'm being unfair. Welcome to the real world, Stubborn Soda root beer!). It's better than Bear Wizz; it kind of tastes like less-nasty Saranac root beer. I'll finish what we have, but I don't think I'd get more of this particular flavor.

Katie:
There's an odd aftertaste I don't like. Let me steal Nick's bottle (I'm drinking out of the glass in the picture) to see what's in here. There's stevia in it. I feel like that's the weird sweet but not-good-sorta-like-medicine taste at the end. Kudos to the soda for being fair trade and not afraid to use genetically-modified products.

Nick's PS: I don't know if it's because Katie just mentioned it, but man, that aftertaste sure sticks with you, and it's not nice. Get the stevia out of here and I'd probably like this better. Yikes.

So like tic-tacs?

Product: Zazers Tidbite
Origin: China

First looks

Nick:
Umm... they look like tic-tacs. I'm sure the green apple is going to be disgusting, but the rest of the flavors look good. I'm a little confused by the bite missing out of the lower right hand corner; the container is molded so that it looks like someone with a very small mouth, perhaps a confused baby shark, bit the lower right hand corner of the container away, but then there's still plastic there which doesn't make sense. Katie, can you make any sense of this?

Katie:
I think it's to make the container not just look like a straight up copy of the tic-tacs one. Er, I mean baby sharks! With lasers. The candy looks like the stereotypical seed shape--rounded bottom, pointy top. They don't seem especially gross but I've been fooled before. I can hear Nick crunching them but who knows if that's good or bad.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
Pretty good! The orange isn't great (I don't tend to like fake orange flavor) and the lemon is just OK, but the grape and cherry (well, "grape" and "cherry") are very nice. They're like slightly bigger, harder tic-tacs. I didn't even try green apple. Green apple can fuck off. If I was driving through the desert and I saw green apple dying of thirst, I wouldn't even run it over, I'd leave it there to think about what it did as it slowly expired. Fuck off, green apple. You bastard. Why are all the green things green apple? Bring back lime! I'd even take kiwi. I like the taste of kiwi, it's a texture thing with the fruit. Plus they look like hairy balls. I don't trust kiwi, but I'll take it over green f'n apple any day of the week.

Katie:
The flavors are way too intense for me. Lemon is not the crisply citrus lemon of a Skittle but an in your face squeeze right from the fruit. Orange is more orange than any real slice I've ever had. I tend to like green apple and even I thought it was bad. Grape was not even. If you are one of those nutters who likes really intense flavors--like those atomic airheads or whatever they are--these are for you.

Rainbow laces

Product: Laces
Origin: Turkey

First looks

Nick:
The last Bebeto item we had wasn't very good, so I'm a little skeptical of what we have here. These are supposted to be raspberry and tangerine flavored licorice; they smell like kinda fruity sugar, which is what I'm hoping for. Don't let me down again, Bebeto!

Katie:
More gummy stuff. Skip. For my Wikipedia Random Page adventure, I'm going to blow your minds. There are Wikipedia pages from...THE FUTURE. Feast your eyes on this page from 2098. A solar eclipse will occur so be sure to order your spectral eclipse glasses now so you can view this amazing event (the joke being that it's 90 years in the future and unless we transplant our consciousnesses into robot bodies, many of us will be dead by then!). What is more interesting is that there are a bunch more calendars than I was aware of--I knew about the Hebrew calendar, the Chinese one, and the Islamic one but not the others. It's actually kind of neat to scroll through and realize how many different ways there are to measure time.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
The pink stuff - tangerine, supposedly - is fine; it kinda just tastes like mildly sour fruit. The blue stuff, though.... my boy, this is the flavor all true warriors strive for; it's the long-awaited, never disappointing, super fake super sweet blue raspberry flavor. You did it, Bebito! I'm gonna eat this all up until 2098, which I just found out is the 9th year of the 2090s decade!

Katie:
It would be cooler if we used the Holocene calendar so it could be the year 12098. Every time you'd write the day, it would feel like living in a sci-fi movie.

Pickle Rick!!!!!!!!!!

Product: Maple bourbon bread and butter pickles
Origin: Brooklyn Brine Company

First looks

Katie:
Pickles from Bucky and Steve's hometown so you know they're going to be good. I mean...okay that has nothing to do with it. It's not like Bucky and Steve own this company and run it during their down time...as cool as that would be. Anyway. The pickles smell mostly like a regular bread and butter pickle would.  I have a good feeling about these; I love bread and butter pickles, maple is delicious, and any food I've ever had flavored with bourbon has been good. Don't let me down, pickles from Brooklyn that aren't really made by Bucky and Steve but would be awesome if they were!

Nick:
(Open on the Brooklyn Brine Co)
STEVE: Boy, there's nothing more relaxing than making pickles in between Avengers missions, even though I'm a free agent or something after Civil War, so that in every Marvel movie it's not like "Why isn't Captain America here? Where's Iron Man?"
BUCKY: I agree. I sure hope Katie enjoys eating our pickles because she is the most cool, powerful, and attractive.
STEVE: Eating our pickles.
BUCKY: What?
STEVE: Like a double entendre.
BUCKY: I'm so proud of you.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
What the actual fuck, pickles??? These were nasty! All you had to do was make bread and butter pickles, which last I checked are sweet not salty and gross. There was no maple taste at all. It was just straight up salt mixed with awful. What happened guys? Did you just pull a bunch of words out of a hat, slap it on the jar, add the word Brooklyn for authenticity and call it a day? I really, really wanted to like these but damn, dude. I don't even have more words to describe how disappointed I am right now.

Nick:
I retract my earlier fan-fiction sketch; there's no way Bucky or Steve would turn out something this bad. These pickles must be a HYDRA plot to disappoint innocent pickle fans or something, because I don't know how else these turned out bad. Bread and butter pickles are supposed to be sweet, you dumbasses! Like Katie said, there is 0% maple in this, and me, the Ol' Maple Kid, would know. These just taste like old fart salt, and they're really limp and gross (I mean, I know a pickle isn't usually super crunchy when it's packed in brine, but these are like mushy and feel nasty in your mouth). Boo, Brooklyn Brine Co! I say boo to you!

Dark chocolate banana slices

Product: Dark chocolate bananas by Next Organics
Origin: Sri Lanka, Mexico, and the US

First looks

Nick:
Ooo, I don't know about these. I'm really worried what kind of shape the banana is going to be in once I bite into that dark chocolate. I like nice fresh bananas (in maple syrup or on top of cereal), and I'm afraid there's going to be some kind of gummy, dehydrated nastiness on the inside of these. Also, the back of the bag reads a little unhinged; in addition to being in ALL CAPS, it yells about how these snacks are "THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE" and "THESE ARE TRUE BANANAS". If you see me at the airport yelling about true bananas as the NEXT ORGANICS way, please kidnap me and bring me to a debrainwashing location. These bananas better be spectacular.

Katie:
I was thinking they were going to be more banana chips than plain sliced bananas dipped into chocolate. Oh no. Nick is making disgusted groaning sounds as I struggle to type my thoughts on these. This is not going to be fun.

Post-bite thoughts

Nick:
OH MY GOD. There is no sugar in this. I should have realized what they meant by "organic dark chocolate" (sorry, "ORGANIC DARK CHOCOLATE") is no-sugar-added, absolutely disgusting, straight from the deepest pit of Hell "chocolate". And the banana inside... it's worse than I could have possibly imagined. It's like you die and you get to Hell and you're impaled on a burning bed of nails and Satan comes by and is like "How's Hell," and you're like "This sucks worse than I could have imagined" and he's like hahahaha, watch this and pulls out this bag and two big fat demon guys pry your mouth open and Satan gets ready to pour this snack into your mouth and suddenly being impaled on a bed of white-hot nails forever seems like a nice vacation. How do you fuck up putting chocolate on a banana? I'm really angry about this. Stuff like ginger candy is hopeless, but this is such an easy snack to make and it's so, so bad. F-. Ugh, I can still taste the desiccated banana corpse and fake, no-sugar chocolate.

Katie:
In the far future, humanity is kept as pets by their benevolent synthetic overlords. Treating their creators like hamsters in cages, the robots build their humans fun enclosures with cool multicolored mazes and wheels to run around in. Next Organics, the intergalactic people food company, is searching for the next people kibble to serve up to posh synthetics who want to give their pampered pets a treat. MarketBot#XJ917 remembers humans once loved a yellow fruit (beninos?) and that they continue to love chocolate.  Unfortunately, beninos appear to be extinct according to the database of ancient human foodstuffs.  Undaunted, MarketBot#XJ917 has the drones (actual drones flying around with little lab coats painted on) in R&D whip up some approximated beninos to include in Next Organics' new people kibble--Dark Chocolate Beninos. Some doofus makes an error that is caught too late and the product ends up shipping as Dark Chocolate Bananas.  The space elevator is loaded up with crates of the stuff and sent up the cable but a tachyon storm opens up, swallowing the chocolate-covered lab-approximated beninos and sending them hurtling into the past where they are eventually sold at Marshalls to the delight of no one.