Origin: Pennsylvania
First looks
Nick:
What... what is this? Cheese WAFFLES? Cheese doesn't go on waffles. Cheese goes on, like, an egg sandwich. Maple syrup goes on waffles. MAYBE butter goes on waffles. But cheese??? This is against the laws of God and man. I opened up the bag and they're like little cracker sandwiches with nuclear filling. But why are the sandwich parts waffles??????? They should be, like, crackers. I feel like I'm going to get struck by lightening for eating these, if not because they are unnatural evidence of Man's hubris than because the back of the bag screams FOR CHEESE LOVERS ONLY and I'm more of a cheese tolerator.
Katie:
Nick is sitting on the couch staring at one of these and mumbling "Why are they waffles" and "I don't understand". I don't either. It's as if someone saw stroopwafels and scoffed at the notion of caramel betwixt waffles, shouting "I can do better!" with an arrogant finger pointed to the heavens. Cheese. Waffles. Maybe this isn't for me. Maybe this is for people who like chicken and waffles? I tried that once and while I liked the waffle and I liked the chicken, my mouth was confused by their powers combining to form a culinary Voltron.
Post-bite thoughts
WHY ARE THEY WAFFLES THOUGH. I don't understand this at all. I feel like a caveman and I'm out for a walk at night and a UFO flies over and the alien driving it is laughing too hard at a alien TV show where aliens get hit in the reproductive organs and his snack bag falls out of the UFO somehow, maybe he has the bubble top open because it's a nice night and that's why I'm out for a walk and this completely alien food, totally at odds with any human experience, just falls from the heavens. WHY ARE THEY WAFFLES???? I want to know why they're waffles. The taste is like what I imagine Cheez Whiz is like, way too salty for me. But why are they WAFFLES. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. The knowledge of why they're waffles will be mine. I'll be an old bald man wearing a tattered wizard robe, wizened by years of searching for the forbidden knowledge to the arcane question I seek to answer with a huge white beard in a forbidden library overseen by cackling demons who trade in the knowledge that I can not live without and I'll be pouring over a big book chained to a massive table because the information inside is too dangerous to ever leave the library and finally I'll find what I've been looking for my entire life and I'll yell "Ah-ha!" when I discover why they're waffles and then I'll die because I won't have any reason to stay alive once I have the ultimate knowledge of why Wise made these weird crackers with nuclear cheese inside and the sandwich part is WAFFLES. In conclusion I give this food a not great.
Katie:
The waffle part isn't even good. There is nothing about the waffle part that is good--too crunchy, too salty, zero to do with real waffles except the shape. It might as well be cheese mermaids for all the semblance it has to waffles. The cheese in the middle is flipping odd. It's a little like Cheese Whiz, the fake cheese from lunch box sandwich crackers, and peanut butter are in a loving, committed triad (look it up) and decide to have a baby using renegade science that combines their dna into this baby that's made from all three of them only the science goes horribly wrong and the baby looks like the gross eraserhead baby from that David Lynch movie (I think it's called "Gross Baby and Weird Hair Guy") that I've never seen but people talk about it online a lot anyway...this cheese is like that.
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