I don't want to ruin Nick's joke by calling this entry "Pizza Assholes"

Product: Fabitos Pizza Assado
Origin: Brazil

First looks

Katie:
The pizza smell is strong with these, even breaking through the remnants of the sinus infection I'm getting over at the time of this writing.  The chips are puffed and shaped like wheels, meant to represent a sliced pizza I think. I'm really rooting for these to be delicious.

Nick:
I swear to God, when I first saw the package, I thought these were called "Pizza Assholes", and if you look at the shape of the snack... uh, yeah. They smell like very basil-y pizza, but I don't have my hopes up too high; I'm pretty sure none of the pizza flavored items we've had actually tasted anything like pizza. We'll see. My mouth is armored in powerful skepticism at what these are actually going to taste like.

Post-bite thoughts

Katie:
All the nope.
Let's start with the texture--these things have all the pleasant mouthfeel one would expect from a packing peanut. They don't crunch so much as collapse in your mouth with a cracking eggshell feeling.
And the taste? Was that supposed to be added at any point? Brazil, do you even have pizzas to use for reference?  This tasted like bad salt and out-of-date taco seasoning. Your culture is vibrant but your pizza snacks are awful. Bleck.

Nick:
Oh, boy. I'm really struggling to think of even a single nice thing to say about these pizza assholes. The taste and texture is like they made an extremely cheap, pizza in name only cheese snack, then left it around to get stale and musty before putting it in a bag and unleashing it on innocent food bloggers. Something nice, uh... hmm. Ummm... the bag has a little diagram showing you how to open it? That part was okay! Ha ha!